I Think I Might Scream ...

... if I hear somebody say "CHANGE" one more time. (As slogans go, that one is sure-fire. Nobody has to do anything at all, and things will still change. It's meaningless.)

... if I see that crook Barney Frank's face again, or have to listen to him speak. Talk about gross. (The only positive thing I can say about this individual is that his being a homosexual is a tremendous gift to all womankind.)

... if I look up once more and espy the coldly condescending bespectacled left-wing sneers of either Charles Gibson or Katie Couric. (I wonder if, before preparing for their "interviews," they could answer their own questions without help from their many staffers?)

... if I have to look at one more closeup of Sarah Palin's shapely gams and pumped-up peep-toe footwear. (What is this ... a pin-up contest?)

Just your average election year and what's bugging me in it.

... if I hear one more sound bite from those pseudo-commie pinko liberal feminazi harpies on The View. (Whoopi, no, you don't have to be worried about "becoming a slave again" because you never were one. Ever hear tell of the Thirteenth Amendment, hunnychile?  Don't develop a case of the fantods, picturing yourself "on a plantation." You don't have to "start running" because a McCain administration would appoint Constitutionalists to the United States Supreme Court. I think you're doing all right by any standard, Whoopi, thanks to our freedoms and the capitalistic society we still enjoy in this great nation. You, like B.O., have gotten lots richer in the last eight years.  But don't worry ... in any case if the worst should happen, Barbara Walters says "us white folk, we'll take care of you." Wow. I call that progress.)

Watch it for yourself here ... it gets good at about 4:44.

... if I catch one more glimpse of Barack Saddam Hussein Osama Obama, that America-hating, baby-killing socialist, swagger around on a stage ... and hear him trying to decide which accent to use. (How deep is your love today, Barky?)

... if I hear B. Hussein Obama lie one more time about being a byproduct of Selma. (He was nearly four years old at the time of the Selma marches.)

Watch it for yourself here ... it's all good.

... if I hear Joe Biden's sad gaffe "Stand up, Chuck!" replayed once more. (Forget Mr. Biden's embarrassment ... what about poor Chuck Graham having to relive the revolting moment ad nauseam?)

... if I hear one more reference to the values of hockey moms ... or for that matter, to hockey moms, period. (Watch my lips! I. Do. Not. Care.)

... if I have to listen to John McCain's bloodless, passionless recital of middle-of-the-road talking points through two more presidential debates. (There's no substitute for a fire in the belly. You could learn that from your running mate, Mr. McCain.)

In short, I may scream ...

... if I watch one more minute of televised "election coverage."

But Also I Just Might Scream ...

... if I hear one more syllable of that leeringly jovial jingle, Viva Viagra.

... if I hear that Campbell's Soup "possibilities" commercial again.

... if the Cubs blow this, their chance to win the National League Pennant.

... if I can't get TG to repair the potty that is making a funny noise.

... if I don't get my listing-to-starboard computer fixed, soon.

Just your average election year and what's bugging me in it.

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I just read that over and some of it sounds really mean, snide, and angry.

So I take absolutely none of it back.

In fact, I hereby double it all.

However.

I WILL BECOME HAPPIER AND HAPPIER ...

... when I think of my wonderful children and grandchildren.

... when I read Ann Coulter's new article each Wednesday night.

... when I remind myself (as I often do) that "The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it; ignorance may deride it; but in the end, there it is." ~Winston Churchill

... when I see one of those Geico caveman commercials.

... when I go to sleep in a warm, comfortable bed each night, beside my darling.

... when I consider how blessed I am to have been born in America, and to have lived my whole life here.

... when I think of how fortunate I have been in my employment situation.

... when I look at the pretty ceiling fan TG installed for me earlier this week, and the new tires he bought for my car.

... when I remember the manifold promises of God.

... when I take that first sip of strong, hot, fresh morning coffee.

... when I say to Javier "Give Mama a kiss," and he does.

... when I remember our church friends, and our fine pastor and his sweet family.

... when I think about Pirates 4.  YAY!  Pirates FOUR!

... when I walk down my street and am thankful for my kind and considerate neighbors.

... when I think of our military and their sacrifices on the behalf of all Americans.

Life's good ... guess we'll just have to keep taking the occasional bad that goes along with it. And as to the election ... no matter who wins or loses on November 4, at least it will be over!

I hope.

AHHHHHHHCTOBER!

Finally! Fall is here. I realize it technically began over a week ago, but for me, Autumn officially commences on October first.

Humor me.

See, I love October. As I've said before, October is by far my favorite month. The heat of the summer is over; the cold of winter has not yet begun. A person can wear a pretty sweater without emphasis on the word "sweat." You don't yet have the pressure of the holidays bearing down on you like a ten-thousand-ton freight train. There is a certain quality to the air, and a certain singing in the atmosphere.

Well, I hear it.

The yellow and red leaves whirl and scatter gaily under your wheels as you carom around the countryside in your automobile. On a wet day the bright colors will mix with the rain-gray and make a sort of muted kaleidoscope, and you don't have to squint into a tube in order to see it.

I think Johnny will like my potato salad.

In October one may get treated to the kind of day that Emily Dickinson termed "a blue and gold mistake" ... one in which "softly thro' the altered air hurries a timid leaf."

In addition to the coming of October, many things were on my mind as I was out of town over the weekend. Some go together and I will share them with you in a few days. Many, however, are as disparate as chalk and cheese ... and you're getting some of those first. Plus a video.

Assorted Non Sequitur And A YouTube To Mark The Jenny' s First Day of Autumn:

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Someone scolded me recently that I needed to get out of my comfort zone. "Get out of your comfort zone!" is an expression I detest almost as much as the epithet "You've got to pick your battles."

Look: I get out of my comfort zone every single day when I vacate my warm bed and become vertical. As for battles ... I figure they pick you, rather than the other way around.

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This warning, lettered on the doors of some rest area facilities, mystifies and amuses me ...

No Smoking

No Pets

... because it begs the question, why on earth would anyone want to smoke their pet? Are people more prone to smoke their pets -- or only specific pets, hence the directive "no" -- at rest areas? Is the sign meant to prohibit one from smoking the pet like a tobacco product, or does it only count if you throw the pet onto a grill or into an actual smoker?

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Increasingly, I am exasperated by the way folks interrupt one another on the cable news talk shows. The host puts a question to his/her guest ... said guest gets at most three syllables out of his/her mouth before the host begins talking at the same time. I cannot make out what either one of them are saying. It reminds me of nervous deponents and rude lawyers. Bleh. TV off. Wake me when it's over.

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It has been announced that Johnny Depp will reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean! I think the story line will involve Jack finding the fountain of youth. And some wenches, no doubt.

Speaking of Mr. Depp ... this past weekend I was introduced to a young lady named Elizabeth who claims to be distantly related to my favorite actor. She told me that, many years ago when she was about five, she remembers meeting Johnny at a family reunion. While details of the familial connection were scarce as hens' teeth, her story rang true and her mother was there to verify it.

Of course, I told Elizabeth I'd pay big money for insider information if and when her family has another reunion. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do ... and I think Johnny will like my potato salad.

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Now for your listening and/or viewing enjoyment, here is an interesting rendition of Bach's stunningly brilliant Toccata and Fugue in D Minor ... if this piece of music doesn't say "October!", no piece of music ever did.

Happy Autumn, everyone!