To whom it may not concern

In the waning days of February, we were on tenterhooks, waiting for news of my terminally-ill mother-in-law's impending departure from this life.

Everyone had said their goodbyes, either in person, or by phone, or both. Mostly both.

It was down to a matter of hours.

You know how it is: Every time the phone rings (or makes whatever sound your phone is set to make for an incoming call, text, or email), there is a moment where you wonder if this is it.

So it was that one morning a few days before our loved one passed away, Greg (on his way out the door to work) asked if I'd heard his phone sounding off the previous night.

Actually it was a pre-dawn time frame. But it was still dark. And we were still. Still asleep.

No, I said, momentarily alarmed. Was there news?

No, he said. It was this. And he showed me his phone.

Let's pull over and park here for a mo. Greg does not own a smart phone. He prefers refuses to use anything but an old-fashioned flip phone.

The rest of us (the kids, and me) have been converted. We are an integral part of the iPhone nation.

It's funny because Greg is much enamored of his iPad (which I don't understand because I don't have one and have no need for one, being a devotee of the MacBook Pro), and he enjoys messaging the kids on it now and then, in the evenings when he's relaxing.

The kids and I text back and forth on our iPhones more or less at any time of the day or night (but mostly day).

(Through it all, I am a firm adherent to the adage that no news is good news.)

Greg does not text at all. Never ever. And he isn't likely to respond to a text. I may have texted him one time, and I cannot remember why. As I recall, he did not answer, either in words or emoticons.

And I am his wife. The old ball and chain. So if I need to get in touch while we're apart, I call. Repeatedly, if need be.

Ergo, for him to be texting with someone in what amounts to the middle of the night, is basically a nonexistent scenario.

But he had been forced to. This was what woke him:

Looking back I really believe this is what you've been trying to push me to all along lately by constantly bringing up negative stuff and always calling our relationship into question...I genuinely love and care for you and your son, but apparently you were anxious to move on for some reason. Perhaps I was in the way of something or someone else...

Whatever the case is, I hope you are happier and more satisfied and I'm sorry I could never do enough to please you or prove that I love you...

I'm sorry I wasn't awake to see my beloved's face in the dim glow of his flip phone, squinting, pawing the nightstand for his cheaters, wondering what was actually going down.

My slumber was undisturbed.

I inquired how Greg had responded to the heartfelt cyber-missive (which I believe was written by a female).

He said, I texted back:

Check your #!

No emoticons. I don't know if they're even available on flip phones.

See, I would have added a string of appropriately exasperation-loaded round yellow faces. Especially the one with eyes and no mouth. I love that one.

I likely would also have used the word moron.

But that's just me.

The funniest part is, a few seconds later Greg received a final text from Madam/Sir Lonelyheart:

???

Methinks she (or he; who knows) was inebriated.

The takeaway: Don't drink and drive. Don't text and drive. Don't drink and text.

And whether you're eight sheets to the wind or sober as a judge, unless they text you first, don't text anybody between midnight and eight o'clock in the morning.

Just to be safe.

Also: In the interest of leaving total strangers out of your cringeworthy lovelorn ruminations, remonstrations, and supplications, always check your number.

And that is all for now. I hope this post did not disturb you.

=0=0=0=

Happy Friday :: Happy Weekend

Comments

[Heather]

Oh boy. I am happy to say that I have never had that happen to me. Calling or texting late at night is just not a good idea unless it's an emergency.

[Judy Miller]

I am constantly left "out of the loop" because my kids and sister text back and forth all the time. They forget I won't get these "TO ALL" messages because, not only do I NOT have a cell phone, the one I DON'T have does not have a test feature. I plead with them to send me an e-mail, but they express, "It takes too long and sometimes our texts won't go through to an e-mail address." I do love the text he received though, it reminds me of a phone call I got one time, a male voice on the other end of the line, obviously a wrong number, but we talked for over an hour. HAH!

[Jennifer]

@Heather ... good policy. We have an accord. xoxo

@Judy ... it can get wild with the "respond to all" feature. Phones blowing up everywhere. You of all people, I can envision talking to a wrong number for an hour! Haaahaha! xoxo

[Barb]

Goodness, I would never even know if a text came in the middle of the night. I charge the iPhone overnight in the kitchen. However, one of "the Girlfriends" recently got with the program and replaced her flip top with an iPhone. The other 3 of us could never include her in our texts with photos because on her old phone the photo was the size of a fingernail. Giddy with her new iPhone, she texted us photos of a moose in her yard. Of course, we had to outdo ourselves with cracks like " Is that a chocolate moose?" We joked back and forth for awhile until a person none of us knew texted. "Why am I being included in this inane conversation?" Yes - she had used a wrong mobile number for one of the girlfriends. Yikes - all of us were appalled. She texted an apology to the stranger, and we got off that thread quickly! We're in CA, Jenny. There is sunshine and warmth. There are palm trees and surf. I'm very happy. Breckenridge is having another blizzard. I hope this goes through OK - I'm typing on my phone.

[sally]

Well darn, I had absolutely NO idea that Greg was going to show you that message I sent him. :)

Just recently, in the past 1 1/2 years have I learned to text, but not to multiple people. And, the phone? I don't even like talking on it anymore. And, yes I agree about our pal Judy - I can see it too. LOL

I will say this; many moons ago when I was married to the second moron, a lady/girl kept calling asking for John. I didn't have a clue if she was wanting the John I was married to. But, she kept it up and finally when she called, I said "Well, if you want to hold on, he's in the shower." She didn't call back.
xoxo

[Jennifer]

@Barb ... oh dear, what a hysterical story. You girls and your chocolate moose, haaaaha! Truth be told, I wouldn't know if a text came through in the middle of the night either because my phone stays on silent. If I'm dreaming, no way will I hear that little vibration. But Greg uses his phone as an alarm clock and he does NOT do silent. I don't think he knows how, the silly darling. As to California, enjoy it to the fullest and take LOTS of pretty pictures because you know I want to see them. xoxo

@Sally ... mercy was that you? Haaaaha! I don't much like talking on the phone either. Texting with my kids is fun though. Good rejoinder to the bimbo who was calling asking for John! I'd be too embarrassed to call back too. xoxo

[Mari]

Oh man - that was awful timing; too early and because of TG's mom. Bob has been woken by a crazy text from a wrong number in the middle of the night. He was not amused. My phone is not near me at night, I'm only woken when the nursing home calls the landline to ask me to come in early. :)

[Jennifer]

@Mari ... the hours you girls keep! I nearly fainted when Heather mentioned she'd left for work at three in the morning. I'm afraid you're made of braver stuff than I. Kudos to you both! xoxo

[Donna (Texas)]

That is just...Funny!Hahaaa....
Sad for her though!
hughugs