Some were gnomeless and some were homeless

Who can resist gnomes bearing sparkly valentines?

It was about time.

Having not hitherto jumped onto the gnomes-as-decorations bandwagon in any fashion, the pirate is now the proud but bewildered owner of two valentine gnomes.

Allow me to elaborate.

On the shelf ledge in our dining area, I put seasonal additions around the big clock. They're more likely to be noticed there.

(The ledge itself is relatively new and I will tell you more about it in my next post.)

For Memorial Day and the patriotic summer holidays, I put some cute red-white-and-blue jars up there.

In the fall, there were pumpkins.

At Christmastime, there were appropriate additions to the ledge.

When wintertime rolled around in earnest, I sort of bided my time until February.

I focused more on my two-tier tray for seasonal visual interest on the long table.

However.

Every time a bell rings, a gnome gets a pink plush heart.

Two adorable valentine gnomes had been purchased on Amazon in mid-January.

I had every reason to anticipate that they would come, and that they'd be so cute on the ledge, presiding over our many February parties and get-togethers.

Only, the gnomes did not come.

And they didn't come and they didn't come and they didn't come.

The Amazon seller, who claimed to have shipped the product four days after purchase, had provided a tracking number pertaining to the shipper they'd purportedly used.

Only, when I copied and pasted said number into said shipper's tracking field, the shipper claimed to have never heard of that number.

The tracking number was meaningless. No gnomes stood behind it, waiting to be delivered to my doorstep.

Also meaningless was the date given for the estimated delivery of the gnomes, when I checked it (repeatedly) on Amazon.

As in, that date kept changing.

I began to be convinced that the gnomes were great big valentine no-shows.

I think I like it up here. Any chance for a renewal into March?

(And no; they did not originate their journey in China. Rather, New Jersey.)

Finally, I'd had enough.

I contacted the seller.

Declining to make nice, I typed words to this effect: Why did you say you shipped the gnomes a few days after I ordered them, when clearly you didn't? Bad tracking number. No gnomes. Too late. I want my money back.

At first I was ignored.

But I persisted, writing yet again that I wanted a refund as Valentine's Day had come and gone and I remained gnomeless and they were about to become irrelevant.

At least for this year.

Because Amazon had informed me, about a week ago, that the gnomes had been lost in transit and weren't coming.

I was given a full refund.

And I promptly forgot about the whole thing.

It was high time we landed on this here ledge.

Until two days ago when I went to the mailbox at the end of our driveway -- the one with our house number on it -- and discovered a medium-sized squishy package inside.

What could this be? I wondered aloud.

Well slap me and call me Sally! It was the gnomes.

They'd been shipped maybe three days before arriving at my house, using the United States Postal Service and not Delta Hotel Lima, the previous supposed shipper.

Which means, they were shipped at least three weeks later than when the shipper said they had shipped.

Confused but -- not gonna lie -- pleased, I plumped my gnomes out and plopped them up on the shelf, shoving a few things aside to make room.

Now I'm not sure how to go about paying for the gnomes, having been told they were not coming after all, and having pocketed a refund.

If you have any ideas on that score, please do share.

Meanwhile the gnomes are cute and we do after all have another February get-together at my house tomorrow, over which they may preside.

And won't it be fun to haul them out next year, and up onto the shelf ledge in the dining room?

In two twenty-two they will take their rightful place on the ledge once more.

As promised I will tell you all about the ledge and how it came to be, early next week.

Until then, have a wonderful weekend with your loved ones and pets and friends.

We certainly plan to, what with Little Andrew's birthday party in Charlotte tonight, and Henry coming tomorrow to stay the night and go to church with us on Sunday.

My dance card is full and my social calendar weighs more than those soft little gnomes.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Friday :: Happy Weekend

We kept our powder dry, our hearts warm, and our options open

The news outside the window was not good

We Webers experienced a variation of venue regarding our Valentine's Day celebrations.

As in, we had planned to pack a picnic and sortie after church for a classic Sunday afternoon drive, our destination being Hopelands Gardens an hour's drive away in Aiken, South Carolina, where we would wander the grounds and take pictures after enjoying our lunch.

Aiken is one of my favorite places to visit in our fair state, Hopelands being the primary reason.

Me and my valentine ... summer of seventy-nine

However.

Although this is rarely the case, on Valentine's Day 2021 the weather was not inclined to be conducive to outdoor activities.

The wet and cold settled in on Friday and has not left the region yet. Although it isn't raining currently, it's bleak and cold, with more precipitation expected later tonight.

We were forced to change direction

Valentine's Day was an all-out soaker, in Columbia as well as in Aiken.

Our planned menu was all picknicky and definitely designed for fairer weather: my now-famed ham salad (yes; I made it for the second time in as many weeks), served on soft buns, with sides like deviled eggs and chips and so forth.

Also I was going to make a from-scratch Perfectly Chocolate Cake, using the recipe on the back of the Hershey's cocoa can.

Cinnamon hearts and candy pearls led the way

But when Saturday dawned cold and rainy, with Sunday slated to be a great big sloppy copycat, we switched gears.

I invited everyone to my house for basically the same fare, except I ditched the deviled eggs and decided to make something special in the oven to go along with ham salad sandwiches and chips.

After Sunday morning church, everyone made their way to my door through pouring rain.

It's not a party without Audag

We were six seven: TG and me, Chad and Erica with Cutie Peanut Porter on board, and of course our Audrey and Dagny.

I had done most of my shopping on Friday and most of my cooking on Saturday: ham salad in the morning and chocolate cake in the afternoon.

I'd looked for red heart-shaped sprinkles with which to decorate the top of my cake, but finding none, gave up and came away from the store with nothing.

I decorated more than the cake

Audrey had looked elsewhere on Saturday and found red heart-shaped cinnamon candies, and texted me a picture, offering to get them, but I turned her down.

My reasoning was that cinnamon candies would not taste good with chocolate cake.

On the way home from church yesterday, however, I regretted that decision.

Hearts all over the place

Because, craving your approval, I wanted to show you pictures of my chocolate cake and it seemed unseemly to leave it plain.

So I asked TG to stop at Kroger.

Dagny and I waited in the car while he dodged icy raindrops to get the few things I'd asked for.

It's called cake time readiness

I'd forgotten cheddar slices for the sandwiches, so there was that. 

In addition, I asked him to get me a Valentine balloon. He'd already given me a sweet card and a golden heart-shaped box of Ferrero Rocher candies, but I was craving a balloon to add festivity to our party.

And, I said, please look and see if there are any red heart-shaped sprinkles.

The party was lit

In addition, I said, while you're in the baking aisle, look and see if there is a heart-shaped cookie cutter.

I had an idea.

My valentine came back to the car ten minutes later laden with everything I'd asked for and then some.

The shapes of things to come

(Including heart-shaped cinnamon candies, which as it turns out taste awesome with chocolate cake. So shut my mouth.)

That's the kind of valentine he is. Never complains, either, no matter what I ask him to do that is within both his power and the law.

Also he is never hesitant to ask for help. When he didn't immediately see a heart-shaped cookie cutter, he found someone to ask if there were any in the store.

We played along on one of the biggest greeting-card and boxed-candy holidays of the year

Turns out they'd already taken them down in preparation for stowing them away until next year, but a nice lady found some for TG.

Now that's teamwork.

(Turns out they were giving away the Valentine's Day balloons at Kroger, too, so that was an unexpected bonus.)

Outside was awash with rain. Inside we were awash with love.

Everyone was there when we got home and I started on my special recipe that needed to be baked in the oven, while the girls decorated the cake.

I guess you're all on the edge of your seat wondering what my new and special recipe was, that had to be baked in the oven and served hot alongside our cold sandwiches.

It was pepperoni roses.

One dozen pepperoni roses

I know that certain people don't like pepperoni -- I'm looking at you, Mari -- but none of them were at my party, so I was confident that, if I could execute the recipe correctly, the roses would be a hit.

I used this recipe and they came out pretty much as they were supposed to, with one exception.

And it was my fault rather than the fault of the recipe.

There was the romance of candlelight and cake

That being, I was not careful to cut my strips of pizza dough in a uniform width. I sort of eye-balled it, resulting in some strips being narrower than others.

If you decide to make these (highly recommended), take a tip from me and use whatever tool you have available to cut the strips on the wider side, and all the same width.

Definitely use the large slicing pepperoni that you get from the deli, and ask for a thickness the same as standard pizza pepperoni, or even a trifle thicker.

The cake was not miniature and my hands are not giant

I used muffin cups but they were unnecessary and I won't do that next time I make these.

Heat some pizza sauce to serve on the side, and I promise you'll get rave reviews.

All of that accomplished, we assembled at the table and tucked into hefty ham salad sandwiches with cheese and lettuce, plus two kinds of Utz chips, and our fresh-baked pepperoni roses.

Audrey took this precious picture using my phone

It was so romantic and immensely enjoyable to be warm and dry inside while the cold rain pelted down outside the window.

(We are so bourgeois; I know. The pirate is good wiv' it because these days, somebody has to be the disappearing middle class.)

We can't all be the perpetual whiners and the limousine-liberal champagne-and-caviar elitists who eternally exploit them.

The bear was outfitted accordingly

Later, after lounging around in the TV room conversing and sipping coffee and hot tea for a while, we went back to the kitchen and enjoyed thick slabs of chocolate cake.

Erica's first words upon her first bite of cake were: Wow ... you can tell this isn't from a box.

Indeed. It is a seriously chocolate chocolate cake.

Such fun to make, too.

 I'm all about dreamy cherubs and chick lit

Now it's a new week and we are looking at not one but two more get-togethers in our collective immediate future.

That would be, one, when we all traipse up to Charlotte on Friday evening to meet our North Carolina darlings, at Cracker Barrel, to celebrate little Andrew turning nine on February twenty-second.

(He was born on two twenty-two twelve at two thirteen in the afternoon. I begged the doctor to fudge his birth time to two twelve but she wouldn't play ball. Killjoy.)

I've bought him a present that I think he'll like. I'll take his picture with it, so you can see.

 Hearts on fireAnd two, when Henry comes from Greenville to visit on Saturday, to spend the night and go to church with us on Sunday morning.

He's lonely since Mom's homegoing and we have been talking of a visit for a while.

So on Saturday afternoon, those family members who live here will again convene in our kitchen, to see their grandpa for the first time since their grandma's funeral.

It was a good time any way you sliced it

And we'll have a festive repast along with fond reminiscences and lots of laughter.

I have everything planned and I'll share with you how it all goes down, complete with photographic evidence.

Furthermore, Brittany texted last night to convey the wonderful news that she and Andrew and little Ember are planning a visit for the weekend of my birthday in early March.

What? Another party? Yes please.

I was alone when I got that news but I can assure you that I was visibly elated.

Because for about fifteen seconds prior to receiving Brittany's text, I wasn't sure where the next pirate party was coming from.

Perhaps I should pause to catch my breath now that you're caught up on my current social calendar.

And that is all for now, except to say that I hope you have a wonderful week.

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Happy Monday

Dagny discovers dentistry

Poker face :: Photo courtesy Audrey Weber

Dagny went to the dentist for the first time yesterday, before checking in late at school.

She looked forward to her appointment and spoke of it often, with great enthusiasm, for at least three weeks prior to the day.

But once there, Audrey said she became somber and would barely open her mouth to speak.

I think she looks mobbed up. Like, mess with me and I'll break your kneecaps on the playground.

Open wide, Dag. Try not to smile.

The news was all good -- no cavities -- with one tiny exception: Dagny's mouth is small and the bottom teeth somewhat crowded.

Orthodontia may be called for in the future.

But I figure, what dentist doesn't say that upon examining the choppers of your average six-year-old?

Chillax, child :: Photo courtesy Audrey Weber

Although I hasten to add, there is nothing average about Dagny.

Audrey reported that the wee child fell asleep in the car on the way to school after seeing the dentist.

The whole experience wore her out that much.

But she was at school in time to have lunch with her peers and, I hope, enjoy a spot of outside play.

In addition to learning, which of course is a given.

What have I learned?

Well, it's like this. I told Leslie, my dental hygienist at the same dentist's office that Dagny visited (Leslie can be seen in the picture above): I love you guys but I wouldn't even drive by this place if I didn't have to ... much less come inside.

Leslie thought that was so funny, she repeated it to the dentist, who thought it was funny too.

You know the drill :: Photo courtesy Audrey Weber

The things we do just because we have to.

They are worthwhile although occasionally onerous.

Best to keep smiling.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Wednesday

Playing the party card

TG's birthday balloon, the morning after

Eighteen different types of profuse pirate apols for being absent for so long.

Not for nothing but you are always in my thoughts.

However, I have been preoccupied with the planning, organizing, and execution of two rather big-deal celebrations.

I had a chance to use my large Pioneer Woman tea pot

As per usual: If we are not in the midst of a party at my house, then rest assured that we have either just had a party or are plotting the next one.

At present there isn't a party in the offing, exactly, but we are having the whole gang -- plus my friend Andrea -- over for chili on Sunday afternoon.

I'll make the chili on Saturday and the mini corn muffins when we get home on Sunday after services.

There were Fairy Bites

In addition to piping hot mini corn muffins, our chili will be served with Fritos, shredded cheddar, sour cream, banana pepper rings, and hot chow chow, as always.

Soda pop and sweet tea will figure in there somewhere.

But let's back up. 

The party flamingo was in attendance

TG had a birthday on the last Monday in January.

I did my shopping the previous week, after dithering for several days over what to serve for the birthday dinner party.

(One of TG's favorite meals is taco salad, but we always laugh about that because while I'm okay with taco salad, I rarely want to make it or have it for a meal. Usually if TG gets that, his girls make it for him.)

Dagny glows with joy at all parties

In this case, taco salad was out of the question because one thing that was definitely going to be on the menu was Mari's Hot Taco Dip. Without the black olives.

The minute I saw that recipe on my buddy Mari's blog, I knew TG would love it and that it would be great to serve at a party.

For the hefty part of the meal I settled on this London Broil recipe, which I'd made once before and knew to be a real winner.

TG always smells good ... I see to that

This time we'd have big soft rolls and make huge meaty sandwiches to go along with the hot taco dip with Scoops -- both Fritos and Tostitos, so that all bases were covered.

Then? Well, dessert, of course.

TG's favorite cake is German chocolate. In years past I'd take the easy way out and use a boxed cake mix (not that there's anything wrong with that) and coconut-pecan frosting out of a can.

It was my first attempt at making ham salad

There IS something wrong with that.

But in recent years I have made the frosting from scratch. It's easy but still, give me some credit.

And I'd razz up the cake mix by throwing in an extra egg, using buttermilk instead of water and melted butter instead of oil, and adding a packet of Godiva chocolate caramel instant pudding.

Three sweet girls :: L to R Maisie, Dagny, Ella

That makes a fantastic cake.

But THIS year I decided to make the cake and the frosting from scratch.

I used this recipe.

I get a D for decorating

And from my friend Sue at church, I borrowed a pastry bag and decorative tip for making the top of the cake look like something done by someone who knew what they were doing.

It didn't exactly turn out that way (decorating with a bag and tip being harder than the pros make it look), but the cake was the softest, moistest, most delicious German chocolate I've ever tasted.

Audrey came ready to have a great time

I broke with the tradition of frosting only the center and top, leaving the cake with un-frosted sides, and instead iced the sides with homemade fudge buttercream.

The recipe is on the cocoa tin.

Even though my decorating talents leave a great deal to be desired, no one can accuse me of not knowing how to frost a cake.

Clarissa May ... known as Maisie

At any rate, everyone came (I got not one single picture of the event itself) and the huge tender meaty sandwiches and hot taco dip were lustily consumed.

(That taco dip is fire. You must try it soon. TG couldn't stop talking about it.)

Then we took a break for TG to open his gifts. I got him some cologne and a shirt. The children gave him golf outing gift cards and a golf shirt, and various other goodies.

Ellender Marie ... known as Ella

He was happy and appreciative, as always.

And then we ate the cake.

You'd think that would be enough for one week.

The kids were into these mini corn dog muffins

But wait! There's more!

The Saturday following the Monday of TG's birthday (that would be last Saturday), we enjoyed an even more elaborate party.

German chocolate under glass

The plan hatched when Audrey colluded with her cousin, Genevieve -- my sister's second oldest -- who lives in Greenville across the street from her parents, to come and bring her two daughters, Ella and Maisie, for a play date with Dagny.

(Gena's husband, Damon, stayed at home with little brother Paul, who is four. A new baby sister is due in May.)

The girls posed in my studio

(When we go to Greenville to spend the night, Dagny invariably stays at Gena and Damon's house with Ella and Maisie. It becomes difficult to pry them apart.)

The last Saturday in January was agreed upon for a date, and I volunteered to give everyone lunch.

What followed was several days of deliberation concerning what I would serve.

Little Mama was hungry

I take these things seriously. Also I love throwing a party. And a girl party? Yes please.

For the big girls -- there would be five of us -- I settled on homemade potato-corn chowder. In case you're interested, I loosely followed this recipe except I did not add either carrots or bacon, and I used frozen corn instead of fresh corn on the cob.

It was Gena's first time to visit my house. Kay had been here before but she doesn't visit often enough.

(In the past I've made my potato-corn chowder without a recipe. I'd make a medium white sauce and add cooked diced potatoes, whole kernel corn, celery, onoin, chicken stock, and season to taste after pureeing a portion of the soup, then putting it back, to make the whole pot extra creamy. The result is pretty much the same but I thought it would be fun to make a new recipe.)

Here's my kids' charcuterie board ... more like a cheese board

To go with the chowder I made ham salad following this recipe. It was my first time to make ham salad. TG, who has been eating the leftovers from the party all week, has finished off the ham salad and is already beseeching me to make more.

I must admit it was pretty good. A definite winner as far as sandwch spreads go.

The girls were in a gleeful mood

I served the ham salad on two kinds of soft slider buns -- artisanal and Hawaiian.

The little cold sandwiches were a big hit, and were so tasty alongside the steaming bowls of hot potato-corn chowder.

Audrey has a very kind neighbor who loves Dagny, and who, upon hearing about the elaborate play date, contributed a jug of homemade cider tea to our lunch party.

The Spring Snack Kabobs turned out super cute

I heated it on the stove with cinnamon sticks and poured it hot into crystal mugs using my large Pioneer Woman tea pot.

For the little girls at the far end of the table, I had planned a completely different bill of fare.

There was lots of laughter and lively conversation

The setpiece was a cheese board featuring cheese sticks and cubes, and tiny sweet pickles and baby carrots, and grape tomatoes and strawberries and mandarin sections and red grapes. There were Cheezits and chocolate-drizzled popcorn, and little pretzel twists and Sociables crackers.

I'd also made Fairy Bites and corn dog mini muffins (I used Jiffy Mix), and rainbow snack mix.

They settled down from time to time

There were Spring Snack Kabobs made with butter cookies and gummy lifesavers and twizzler bites and marshmallows. At each place was a box of raisins and a small tub of Ranch dressing, in case anyone wanted to do some dipping (turns out they didn't).

For their beverage, the girls had chocolate milk in mini milk bottles, with pink straws.

Our darling babies

Each girl was given two pretty pencils as a favor, and I'd made them treat bags of more rainbow snack mix, to take home.

What a time we had! Don't you love making a fuss? I do.

Ella, my niece's eldest, who will turn nine in March, was thrilled when she saw the kids' end of the table. It's grazing! she squealed. There's no main course!

And your little dog, too

Indeed. You can't put anything over on these kids.

For dessert, my sister had made soft, delicious, delicate madeleines. Gena had made homemade chocolate pudding and brought along whipped cream in a can as an accompaniment.

Mercy. If this all sounds like a feast, trust me: it was. For the eyes as well as the palate.

Chocolate milk goes with everything that's fun

We had such a special, excellent time.

The initial plan had been for Audrey and Gena to take the three girls to the park to exhaust themselves on the play equipment, but the weather was cold and crummy, and that never happened.

Instead, the girls played inside with Barbies, and ran around outside with Rizzo for a while.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

I insisted on a photo shoot with the girls, and they delighted in posing together. Rizzo even (reluctantly) got in on that.

Dagny, a singleton, was beside herself to have her second cousins (they share a set of great-grandparents in my late Mother and Henry) -- ages nearly nine and soon-to-be seven -- to play with for several hours. (She was downcast when it became obvious that they'd have to go back home.)

Dagny is never happier than when there's company

I had not seen my sister since early December, and she had not seen our Erica since the announcement that Cutie Peanut Porter is due to arrive during the dog days of summer.

Speaking of summer, we are already planning for everyone to come back during the hot months so that the children can play together in the pool.

I'll enlist TG to inflate pool floats and grill hot dogs while I slice up the ice cold watermelon.

Proving once again: There's always something to look forward to.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Friday :: Happy Weekend