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If you were a ... favorite thing (I)
Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 02:44PM 
Iconic Chic. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010Barbara Walters was ridiculed many years ago for asking Katharine Hepburn what kind of tree she’d be if she could in fact be a tree.
I like Barbara Walters less than I like fricasseed grasshopper larvae with a side of moldy brussels sprouts and a sour milk chaser, but I love questions that start with “If you were a ...”
As for favorite things, Oprah Winfrey has sort of trademarked this term but as far as I know -- God complex notwithstanding -- she has no patent on the concept.
(I never watch Oprah. I am in fact a conscientious objector to all things Oprah. Truth be known, I like Oprah less than I like people five times more supercilious and smarmy.)
But I have lots of favorite things too.
I also have the worst case of writer’s block since the invention of the spray nozzle.
If I were a fragrance, I'd be Chanel No. 5
What to do? Why, build on my last post, of course! It involved reminiscing about a certain garment and included the declaration that if I were a fabric, I would be black velvet.
I won’t rest on my (diminutive) laurels but I’m not above making a skinny rope from them.
I think that solves it.
Let us begin.
Chanel Number Five. The ultimate fragrance, this perfume defines me. My darling keeps me in EDP spray because it is his favorite too. This year for Christmas he spared not the horses and got the iconic art-deco bottle (pictured above) that practically makes me break out into nervous hives whenever I look at it.
It is that devastatingly, impossibly chic. The understatement!
Staggering.
This brand, this bottle, this fragrance is the very soul of romantic elegance. It is the bottled memory of ten thousand crushed flowers warmed by the sun somewhere in the South of France.
When I wear Chanel No. 5 I feel strong and special. I am literally inspired. Isn’t that what a perfume is supposed to do for you?
If I were a fragrance, I would be Chanel Number Five. It’s my favorite perfume.
Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto Number Two. (No, all my favorite things do not necessarily have numbers. But when creative greats get going, their stellar accomplishments tend to occur in multiples. It’s handy that the more organized achievers number things.)
This music is dark. It is also emotional and tender and brave and romantic and loud and soft and hurried and slow and deep and turbulent and scary and shadowed and blinding and passionate and heartbreaking and wild and tame and literal and enigmatic and veiled and fiery and cool and glorious and unashamed.
If I were a piece of music, this is the one I’d be.
If forced to bring it in under four minutes, I'd be the Eighteenth Variation from Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini.
In this performance I don't know where the piano tops went and I think at least 2 of the 5 Browns are going to need a chiropractor, but they've captured the essence of this mysterious work of art much like Coco Chanel harnessed the inner being of flowers.
That’s all I can think of right now. Part II forthcoming when inspiration strikes.
Reader Comments (12)
Chanel #5 was my favorite years ago. When in high school I had a boy friend who actually bought me Chanel #5 several times. He turned out to be a very bad guy, but with good taste in perfume.
My favorite now is Tea Rose by Perfumers Workshop. Love it. Smells just like walking through a rose garden, but subtle.
Debbie, you were a most sophisticated teenager. In high school I was all about Chantilly and Love's Baby Soft.
Actually, I loved AMBUSH. I bought some years later and thought it stunk, ha.
Isn't writer's block the worst? At least when YOU come down with it you think of inventive "If I were a..." posts that are great conversation starters. Me? I blog about haircuts and mimes. ;-)
If I were a COLOGNE (not a perfume, for obvious reasons), I would be Hugo Boss. One, it smells great. Two, the name "Hugo" sounds tough and I like to think I'm tough, too. ("Don't mess with that guy." ... "Why?" ..."Because his name is HUGO!") And three, the word "Boss" plays up the fact I am a micromanager. If everyone in the world came to me to solve their problems, I'd probably happily oblige.
@ Debbie ... yesssss ... Ambush! And Tigress, and Tabu! Coty had some greats. Obviously we both smelled delicious and were irresistible to boys! LOLOLOL
@ Kev ... ahem ... Boss, indeed, writer's block is the worst. We're both trying to make the most of it! At least we try, without resorting to crudeness as many bloggers do. And Hugo Boss DOES smell wonderful! I love me a sweet-smelling man. All effective micromanagers smell good.
If I were a scent, I'd be Irish Spring.
This is because I, like an Irish waterfall on a spring morning, capture the essence of Ireland. Also, like an Irish waterfall (or any waterfall, for that matter), anyone who gets within five feet of me gets knocked to the ground.
I LOVE THIS MUSIC. I HAVE COME HERE JUST TO RELAX. IT IS WONDERFUL!
@ Kevin ... ahhh ... spritely Colleens will be giving chase in no time ... "And I like it too!" That would surely capture the essence of Ireland. Being half-Irish* meself (you can tell by my evil temper), I can attest to the value of the knock-down drag-out factor. Women love it.
*me other half is pirate
@ Cheryl ... isn't it amazing? I never tire of that music and I come here to relax too!
I don't/can't/won't watch Oprah or anything with Barbara Walters. Too much sensationalism kind of clogs my senses and inhibits thinking for oneself.
Chanel No. 5 is a classic and I love Rachmaninoff!
@ Keli ... I always knew you were a keeper, kid.
Less' just say that if I were a fragrance, it'd be one well represented on the farm I growd up on ;-)
@ SF ... I am sure you refer to roses, lilies, and clover!