Hummertime and the livin' is easy

So I may be the last person over the age of fifty to acquire a hummingbird feeder.

I mean, doesn't ownership of such an item automatically make you a senior citizen?

Well.

TG came home from a trip to Lowe's a few weeks ago and found me in the kitchen.

I got you a hummingbird feeder baby, he said, brandishing a Perky-Pet pinch waist hummie-licious nectar-delivery system.

I squealed with delight.

Within the hour, said apparatus, loaded to the brim with the sticky sweet neon-red nectar favored by hummingbirds everywhere, was suspended from the eave at my eye-level as I stood at the sink.

Four red-plastic flowers with yellow-plastic gridlike centers above convenient red-plastic toothpick-sized perches sat invitingly, swaying a tad bit in the breeze, waiting for a hungry hummie to figure out there was a new fast-food restaurant in the 'hood.

Fly-in window always open.

Several days went by.

I should interject here that I saw a hummingbird in person for the first time only a few years ago.

I used to be able to remember where I was when I saw it, but now I can't.

See? Senior citizen.

But the last time I saw a hummer was at a park last March.

I have never seen one in my yard. That I know of.

We have lots of cardinals, though. They love our yard. We don't feed them. I don't even know what they like to eat.

At any rate, so many days went by without a hummingbird sighting -- and yet the level of red liquid in the Perky-Pet pinch waist feeder was going down practically by the minute -- that I mentioned to TG that maybe the feeder was too close to the house.

And/or that maybe the nectar was evaporating.

No sweetheart, TG said, it can't evaporate. It's in a closed container.

Oh.

Be patient, he counseled.

And the next day I saw one! A hummingbird. Through my kitchen window as I stood by the sink. He was feasting lustily from the bounty of our Perky-Pet pinch waist feeder.

I squealed with delight.

My, they are even smaller close up.

He did not hover as I understand they are wont to do but used the wee red-plastic toothpick-sized perch to rest his impossibly small self while he stuck that long thin beak repeatedly into the yellow-plastic gridlike center of one of our red-plastic flowers.

Boy are those little suckers fast. Cute too.

And apparently very hungry. Slurp slurp.

This past Wednesday I noticed that the nectar supply was nearly gone. 

I wondered if I could reach the Perky-Pet pinch waist hummingbird feeder without dragging my stepladder out onto the deck.

I could, barely. So I did.

And I found out that when you unscrew the glass pinch waist nectar reservoir from the red-plastic top (the part which features a moat that you're supposed to keep filled with water lest ants discover that they can, with impunity, access the supply of sticky sweet red nectar) that's attached to the wire that suspends the whole apparatus from the roofline, nectar sort of spills out of the red-plastic flowers with their yellow-plastic gridlike centers and red-plastic toothpick-sized perches.

So I washed my hands and arms with water from the hose.

Inside my kitchen, at the sink, I had to unscrew the part that features the red-plastic flowers with yellow-plastic gridlike centers and red-plastic toothpick-sized perches.

The hummer cafeteria, as it were.

My white porcelain sink was temporarily stained red with nectar dribbles. Requiring bleach to clean it.

Then I had to mix sixteen ounces of heavily-sugared red nectar concentrate with forty-eight ounces of clear water to make hummingbird hooch that has to be stored in the refrigerator.

The garage refrigerator. Lest somebody in the house mistake it for a refreshing fruity beverage meant to be consumed by humans.

Then I had to refill our new Perky-Pet pinch waist hummingbird feeder to the very top, re-attach the part with the red-plastic flowers and yellow-plastic gridlike centers and red toothpick-sized perches, and carry the whole thing out into the hot sun again.

And then I had to turn it upside down so as to re-unite the whole thing with the red top part that suspends the feeder from the roofline.

Some sticky sweet neon-red nectar got on me but once more I used water from the hose to wash it off.

Then I used the hose on low trickle to carefully fill the moat with water so that if ants get it in their infinitesimal noggins that it would be easy to imbibe our supply of sticky sweet red nectar meant for hummingbirds, they'll drown first.

Then I went back inside and looked out of the kitchen window and noticed that my hummer feeder was askew.

As in, the little s-shaped doohickey from which TG had originally hung it, had become dislodged slightly when I re-attached part A to part B, and now it was hanging crooked.

I can't stand that.

So I went back out and proceeded to rectify the situation, whereupon at least half of the sticky sweet red nectar spilled onto me from the red-plastic flowers with yellow-plastic gridlike centers and red-plastic toothpick-sized perches.

Requiring me to unscrew the business end of the feeder, tote it back into the house, take it apart, refill it with sticky sweet red hummie hooch to the very tippy top, re-attach the part that has the red-plastic flowers with yellow-plastic gridlike centers and red-plastic toothpick-sized perches, and carry the whole thing back outside.

But first I dragged my stepladder out onto the deck and positioned it just so. Near the hose.

Without incident I then re-installed my hummingbird feeder that, although it holds a substantial amount of nectar that had been all but drained from its pinch waist self, had so far produced for me a single solitary split-second hummingbird encounter.

Suckers are stealthy. All I'm saying.

I refilled the moat with clear water from the hose (turned to low trickle) so that local ants will be sent to Davy Jones's locker before they can get to our supply of sticky sweet neon-red nectar intended for an all-but-invisible hummingbird population.

Then I had to wash my dress, my socks, and even my gel ASICS. Complete change of clothes and shoes, y'all. Because everything wore streaks and splotches of sticky sweet neon-red nectar.

I even took a shower because, why not.

But it was all for the hummies so that's okay. I guess without me, they would starve.

In fact I am at a loss to know what the hummingbird demographic in these parts did for a decent meal -- or even a between-meal snack -- before TG suspended a nectar-laden Perky-Pet pinch waist hummingbird feeder outside my kitchen window.

Perhaps they were dining at a Perky-Pet pinch waist hummingbird feeder located outside your kitchen window.

Should you see my hummies, please tell them I said hai.

If you get a chance, mention that dinner is ready.

And that is all for now.

=0=0=0=

Happy Friday

Comments

[Sue the Hobbit]

That's hilarious! We have tried the feeder route and I find it to be too onerous and expensive. Now I just plant the kinds of flowers that attract them and almost every night I see one making the rounds of the flowerbeds. I think there are two of them nesting in an apple tree in the neighbour's yard. One of my friends said she watched a pair of hummingbirds attacking a blue jay who got too close to their nest. I love the little darlings. and you're right, they do tend to perch more than you would think.

[Glenda]

I had one of those doohickey's ages ago. And now, listening to all you went through with yours brought back some (terr....)...I mean wonderful memories. LOL...so I haven't had one since but if you are loving yours I may just have to give it another try 'cause I love the little critters...Hummers that is!!

G.

[Mari]

I love hummingbirds! Every year I get a fuchsia basket and they come to it regularly. I think that's easier than your feeder! :)

[Donna M.]

Where did you get the notion that feeding hummingbirds is senior citizen activity? Gosh, we've been feeding them since we were youngsters in our 20s and 30s.

You don't need to use that dreadful mix with red food coloring. The birds don't need the red color in their food since the color is already featured on the feeder. We make our own sugar water to feed the little birds. Dissolve 1 part sugar into 5 parts water in a pan on the stove. Cool and store in a jug kept in the fridge. It's so easy that a non-chef like me can do it, LOL. And several years ago we switched over to an easier way to hang them. There is a window hanger with suction cups. We have small feeders and the window hangers work just fine. I can't tell how big your hanger is, but perhaps you could use it provided it it not filled to capacity. We got our little hangers at Wal-Mart several years ago. But you can google a search for such devices online.

We don't bother with an ant moat. We've never had a problem with ants scurrying up the walls to get to the feeders. I credit our pest control service for such great results!

Lastly, I must confess that Mr. Jim dropped a filled feeder in the kitchen a couple of years ago. The sticky explosion coated every nook and cranny in about a 20 foot radius. So there are some dire accidents that must be avoided at all costs.

[Donna (Texas)]

Hahahaaa!! I feel your Pain Girlchild! It's a hassle!
Oh...and red birds love some mixed bird seed but Adore sunflower seed.
Get busy 'cause if a red bird and his woman come and dine...nine times out of ten they will move in, have babies and give you years of entertainment.
We had a pair here for years until we cleaned out some hedges...:0(
hughugs

[Jennifer]

@ everybody ... thanks for all the wonderful advice. This was just supposed to be funny. I really don't mind feeding the hummingbirds even if they show up when I'm (mostly) not looking. I don't mind mixing the hooch or refilling the feeder. It took a grand total of ten minutes. I don't really think you have to be a certain age in order to enjoy feeding birds. I guess it's a good thing that at least I crack myself up haha.

[Audrey]

Sticky sweet red hummie hooch....that's my favorite part!!! It's the hooch of choice for these hummies. And it's sticky, sweet and red! Mmmmmmm...: )

[Glenda]

Oh mercy gir...you cracked me up. It was all I could do to stop laughing long enough to type my message. You can write a silly post for me anytime!!!!!! ;-)

G.

[Jennifer]

@G ... I am hopelessly given to hyperbole. This must be understood if my "art" is to be fully appreciated. LOLOLOLOL

[Glenda]

LOLOLOL.... Just keep it up gir. It's one of the reasons I feel at ease doing my hyperbole and knowing someone else "gets" me too! I love your "art!" Most people just give me a blank stare when I try to do mine. You do crack me up ya know!!!