Children belong in cemeteries

It's happened again.

A child has been killed by a falling tombstone. In a cemetery.

The four-year-old boy died just over three weeks ago, while visiting a Texas cemetery with his parents.

Although I was not there, I know what happened.

The monuments look eternal, as if they will stand in place forever. In truth, many are eroded and unstable.

The stone in question was mounted on not one but two separate plinths, one on top of the other, with a total height of about five feet. It was the topmost part -- the actual headstone -- that toppled onto the tot, killing him.

But I don't believe he was simply walking by the stone when it decided to fall over onto the little boy. Something presaged the tragedy: most likely the unsupervised child climbing and/or pushing on the stone.

I've written about this subject several times. I am passionate about cemeteries and I believe children should be exposed to them at a young age.

To me, it is analogous to what I have been told is the proper way to teach table manners: not as an actual meal is in progress (as I tried to do with my own children), but rather during a "staged" meal that takes place strictly for the purpose of training.

The reason being, mealtimes should be pleasant experiences, not fraught with tension as mother incessantly corrects infractions such as chewing with the mouth open, forgetting to use a napkin, or worse.

The same holds true with cemeteries. Sooner or later, just about everyone will find themselves obligated to attend a funeral and/or graveside service. And often, funeral attendees are small children.

To remove the fear of the unknown, and to provide training on proper decorum at a funeral or in a cemetery, children should be taught ahead of time what to expect and what is expected of them while in a place set aside for burials.

They should be schooled on the ins and outs of cemeteries, as it were.

A few years back, in the autumn, Erica and I took Melanie and Allissa to a cemetery on a beautiful day, to walk and enjoy nature.

The girls live in North Carolina, and we were there for a visit.

The cemetery in question, Belleview, is located just steps from downtown Lenoir. It is sprawling and hilly, with smooth paved roads providing easy access to nearly four thousand graves.

As we parked and prepared to walk, I drew Allissa -- then an energetic five-year-old -- aside and laid down the law.

I told her that for the whole time we were in the cemetery, she was not allowed to run, shout, or stray more than a few feet from either me or Aunt Erica.

And I promised that I had no intention of reminding her of all those things over and over again.

"You must control yourself," I said. "Or we'll go home."

Allissa said she understood. And for the next two hours as we walked and roamed the beautiful graveyard, her behavior was model in every respect.

Later, back at the house, I praised Allissa to her mother. I made sure she knew how proud I was of her for obeying the first time. Because I knew that what I'd asked of her, while not out of the ordinary, presented a challenge to so young a child.

Most importantly, in addition to being respectful of those families represented by the graves, the conduct I insisted she adhere to while in the cemetery was for her own safety and welfare.

So it was that on this past Memorial Day, when we'd visited and eaten and celebrated and it was nearly time for Stephanie's family to start for home, we all headed out to pay our respects at Fort Jackson National Cemetery here in Columbia.

When we arrived, I asked Allissa if she remembered what I'd told her the last time we were together in a cemetery.

And she did. She repeated almost word-for-word my mandate that prohibited running, playing, laughing, talking loudly, or in any way disturbing either the peace or a grave marker, for the entirety of our visit.

The children's behavior was exemplary in every respect and I was glad they were able to see the pure-white marble stones stretching for acres in every direction, each one decorated with an American flag.

Cemeteries were made for the living to visit, spend time, and remember. They are not scary places unless you have an irrational fear of the inevitable.

Children can benefit greatly from being taught about the traditions and symbolism, the art and the nature, the opportunities to read and learn, in just about any cemetery.

If you take a child to a cemetery, make sure they understand that their obedience at all times is necessary to ensure they leave the graveyard as alive as they were when they went in.

Because one of the most effective places to teach a child about life, is a place where we pay respects to those whose lives are over.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Tuesday

Comments

[Sally]

Wise words, Jenny. Very wise.

I'm sorry to hear about that child who died; like you said he probably was not being watched. So sad. :(

You photos' are beautiful, and the little girls, each one, so precious.

Thank you for the reminder about teaching the little ones.

xxo

[Mari]

Well said Jenny! I think you're right about what happened to that child, and it's a sad thing.
The girls are as cute as ever! Miss Dagny is getting so big! She must have a birthday coming soon. When is it?

[Jennifer]

@Sally ... thanks luv!

@Mari ... June 14th! We are planning a party, haaahahaa.

[irene]

In full agreement with you. MY goodness those girls are getting big!