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You'll never hear a Southern boy say this
Saturday, October 29, 2011 at 10:44AM 
Ohio boy meets the Citadel Bulldog circa 1970My beloved TG, you know if you've been paying attention, was born and bred in Northwest Ohio.
His initial foray south of the Sweet Tea Line was when he was recruited to play basketball at The Citadel.
This was a quarter-century before Shannon Faulkner and the inevitable infiltration of females into the Corps of Cadets.
My future in-laws packed up their firstborn in August of 1970 and drove him the eight hundred miles from Toledo to Charleston, approaching the campus along Moultrie Street, right through the Lesesne Gate, past the Summerall Chapel and up to the barracks.
There the man who nine years later would become my husband encountered for the first time things like grits, collard greens, Southern fried chicken, the aforementioned sweet tea, hominy, piping hot buttermilk biscuits dripping with redeye gravy and molasses, palmetto trees, Spanish moss, ocean breezes, the Gullah accent, and humidity so thick you can cut it with a case knife.
And he met him some good old South Carolina boys.
The kind of boys who folks from up north are generally inclined to believe are blessed with, shall we say, less intelligence than their Yankee counterparts.
(TG learned early on that Southerners are smart too. In their own special way. And funny! Eventually in an extra-smart move of his own, he married one.)
At any rate, these guys are all pushing sixty and they still keep up with one another.
Occasionally I'll hear TG on the phone with his college roommate, Jim, down in Charleston. Talking about getting together, which we sometimes do when there's a wedding or a graduation.
They sound just like the papaws they've turned into.
Sometimes the overheard conversation is heavy on reminiscing about the glory days of falling out of the rack at the sound of Reveille early on a frosty morning in Dixie, hitting the quadrangle and getting into formation before your eyes were hardly open, followed by long hours of academic study and athletic practice in the military environment.
But they love wearing The Ring. They agree it's true what everybody says: The Citadel is a great place to be from.
Old times there are not forgotten! Look away, look away.
Every now and then TG receives an email from a college buddy. Such was the case a few nights ago. I was in another part of the house when my sweetheart came to find me and dropped two sheets of paper in my lap.
I started reading and pretty soon I'd gotten my recommended daily allowance of spontaneous belly laugh.
Now please understand, I've had to clean this list up a tad bit because of ... well, just because. You know. This was an email between guys who went to college together.
Be that as it may, here you go:
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The Top 31 25 Things You'll Never Hear A Southern Boy Say:
25. When I retire, I'm movin' north.
24. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
23. Duct tape won't fix that.
22. We don't keep firearms in this house.
21. You can't feed that to the dog.
20. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
19. Wrestling is fake.
18. We're vegetarians.
17. I'll have whole wheat toast and half a grapefruit.
16. Honey, we don't need another dog.
15. Who gives a flying flip who won the Civil War? (expletive deleted)
14. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
13. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
12. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
11. Trim the fat off that steak.
10. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. Checkmate.
7. The tires on that truck are too big.
6. I've got it all on the C:// DRIVE.
5. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
4. Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw we haven't seen!
3. I don't have a favorite college team.
2. You guys ...
1. No more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of folks down to re-elect OBAMA!!!
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One thing you'll never hear me say:
Drop and give me twenty, knob.
Hope y'all are having a great weekend!
Reader Comments (6)
This is my favorite:
9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
It's great that they still can keep in touch and have a good laugh at the same time. Your TG hmmmm. Now there some serious eye candy!
Love the list! We Northern folk take ourselves too seriously sometimes. :)
I didn't know TG went to the Citadel - hooray for him, and hooray for the wonderful Southern woman he found and stuck with!
PS - That's one good looking guy you got there - great picture!
registered at Tiffanys.lol...perfect ! Have an awesome Sunday my friend~! :-) xxxoooo
Hahahaaaa....I'll take #1 for a Million Alex!!!!Hahaaaaaa
hughugs
Those are too funny! And your hubby certainly was a sight for sore eyes. I do believe that I drooled into my keyboard...