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This feels stupid
Wednesday, September 15, 2021 at 04:44PM 
Photo courtesy Balenciaga dot com
I regret being the bearer of less-than-scintillating news, but the fashion* house of Balenciaga is in a bit of a pickle.
It's been a little minute since we talked about Balenci --
Oh wait. We have never broached the subject of Balenciaga. Thus, the pirate believes it is high time.
This is one of those mucky-muck outfits that makes -- well, outfits, for those who have more money than sense, brains, taste, or moral compass.
In other words, lefties.
Cue Kimmy K's Balenciaga getup from the Met Gala on Monday night.
My conservative consciousness was raised to Balenciaga's current oochie moment upon scanning the news and learning that they had been called racist (Quelle Horreur! Imagine that!) for marketing sweatpants with a pair of jockey shorts sewn above the waistband so that it looks like said sweat garment is sagging or even in danger of falling off.
This questionable piece of clothing has had a price tag north of eleven hundred dollars.
Yes; you read that correctly! Eleven-plus Benjamins for a pair of gray sweat pants that look like they're slipping off a pair of garden-variety plaid Hanes boxers. Except the Hanes tag has been removed and a BALENCIAGA tag slapped on in its place.
(But as of today, the item is sold out. Hmmmmm.)
They've given the same treatment to a skirt (I started to say "a skirt for girls" but amended my non-pc ways just in time) for a mere $1,290! Only this time, the skirt is falling off what looks like blue jeans so I don't think anyone has their knickers in a twist about it.
Yet.
You can't fix stupid; folks. Stop trying. Turn your energies to something with at least a vague chance of success.
Some alert hair-triggered denizen of social media brought the sliding sweatpants situation to the attention of the TikTok universe by showing a picture of said offending apparel and opining in an aggrieved fashion that:
This feels racist. This feels very racist, guys. They have woven these boxers inside the trousers.
Much censure and mockery ensued when other TikTok and even Twitter users piled on, adding their own (completely original, I'm sure) opinions on the matter.
Balenciaga was accused of, among other things, gentrifying sweatpants and appropriating black culture.
Here are a few of the indignantly aggrieved comments:
Black men being discriminated against and devalued for sagging pants and Balenciaga is profiting off the style. Crazy how it's ghetto until they put a price on it.
No way Balenciaga gentrified sagging pants.
So Balenciaga has decided to gentrify sagging: the shorts are literally sewn into the sweatpants. When we do it, it's "we're ignorant," "we're ghetto," "pull your pants up," "don't you have any home training." But when "they" do it, it's fashionable -- $1,190 worth.
They're also stone ugly. Not to mention egregiously overpriced by roughly $1,180, plus tax. Which in and of itself is a crime against humanity.
Nevertheless, the pirate's interest was piqued enough by the online kerfuffle to take a gander at Balenciaga's website.
Turns out they have more problems than those saggy sweatpants. And more ugly clothes than either you or I have had hot dinners.
For one thing, nearly ALL of the clothes -- like, 99.9999% -- are unsightly. In fact, most of them are ridiculous. And ridiculously expensive.
Take a look at these Knotted Sweatpants which appear to have a sweatshirt sewn into the back waistband so that the empty sleeves hang down your legs. Asking price: $1,250.
Don't knock one another down queueing up for a pair of those.
But if you do, to go with them, perhaps this Destroyed Crewneck for $1,450 will suit you.
(Hint: if you need something like this for yourself or as a gift, but lack the funds, I would be willing to head over to Goodwill, find a Fair Isle sweater, let Erica's dog destroy it, and send it to you. You'll save a bundle.)
Here's a 100% cotton t-shirt for $795. But before you hock your heirloom silver, I say go to Walmart. Buy a 100% cotton t-shirt and some electrical tape, maybe a black Sharpie for good measure. I bet you can mimic this design with little difficulty. Sibi could help but she'll be busy destroying that Fair Isle sweater.
If you hurry, you can also add a Regular Shirt in Blue to your designer wardrobe, for a mere $950. But if they run out, not to worry. They have them at Walmart too -- for $20. The tag may say Faded Glory but you can figure out a way to get around that.
As if all of that is not fascinating enough, the significant part -- to the pirate, at least -- is that many other groups have not become outraged over all of the other things the brand has brazenly and unapologetically culturally appropriated.
Like, shouldn't astronauts be apoplectic over the sale of this Space Parka in White? Also I hope you don't want one because despite the astronomical price tag of $5,050, it's out of stock.
What about vampires -- isn't this Cape Blouse in Black (a pittance at $1,590) their copyrighted creepy costume? There should be a run on turtlenecks by those buying this piece.
Don't get on the wrong side of touchy Tahitians by wearing this Women's Pareo Shirt (only $1,050).
And best not to rattle the cage of your dry cleaner when you haul in this Dry Cleaning Shirt in White, along with the rest of your order. This clever design will set you back mere chump change in the amount of $1,450.
Leave your holster at home when you wear this Trompe-L'Oeil (meaning, it's an illusion) Denim Jacket. The price is real enough at $1,250. Cowboys will be after you with lassoes for this one, Balenciaga.
Better beware if you happen upon a painter with a paint chip on his (or her) shoulder if you dare to sport this Painter Fitted Hoodie ... after you've taken a hammer to your piggy bank, that is, because it's priced at $995. Or at least it was before it too sold out.
Balenciaga be making bank, y'all. Or at least they want us to think so.
Enough to mount a show of this Couture Collection which features what the fashion* house consider to be serious wardrobe pieces. As in, if you want to know the price, you must inquire within. But if you have to ask, you cannot afford it.
Anna Wintour is in the audience, and Ella Emhoff is one of the models. That bit of intelligence should tell you just about everything you need to know.
If you have the time and are so inclined, watch the fifteen-minute show. If nothing else, you'll be left with a deep sense of gratitude that you are not burdened with the banality of wearing what passes for high fashion.*
But don't say I didn't warn you and if afterwards you need a retina replacement, the most we can do is start a crowdfunding page.
For therapy, you're on your own. But if you're concerned about going down that road, or if you're ultra sensitive? Whatever you do, don't even look at the still photos -- especially "looks" numbered 21, 22, 50, 52, 54, 55, 58, and 61.
Sartorial splendor it definitely ain't. Although in the interest of full disclosure, I must grudgingly admit that the pirate would gladly wear look number nine.
At any rate, one can only hope that with whatever profit they make from selling these -- ahem -- ensembles, the house of Balenciaga can spring for nourishment and medical care for their models, most of whom look as though they have one foot in the grave and the other on a well-oiled skateboard, and while waiting for the undertaker, have ingested a substance that induces catatonia.
Life is too short long to be that miserable. Just saying.
And that is all for now.
*I use the term "fashion" as loosely as the baggy britches that Balenciaga is being pilloried for peddling.
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The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:9
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Happy Wednesday
Reader Comments (14)
Elle's *boy* friend, Sam Hine....... Oh please!!!!!!! I had to hold my mouth. To be sure, not to "lose" my lunch.
So nope, no way will I look at those other *Met Gala* ......... outfits. Just Kim, is more than enough.
I'm quite speechless and that is very unusual. Very!
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Isn't that what the Rich and The *Woke*, say..... To become calm?
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...
@Mari-Nanci .... Haaaaahahaha yep one look at those two kooks and if you're normal, you'll run the other way as fast as you can. Just -- as you say -- sickening. and for the gala they actually made Ella take a bath and dressed her up in couture and did something to her hair, and she STILL looked a fright. That takes a special talent ... haaaahahaha xoxo
I don't know very much about fashion, but nothing on their website was pretty. A lot of it looks like it was taken out of a thrift store's trash, they didn't even want.
It's apparent that I am in the wrong line of work! I can't believe there are enough people out there that are stupid enough to pay out that kind of money for utterly ridiculous and ugly clothing! Do you think they have a contest on who can come up with the most ugly clothing? I feel like those Balenciaga people are laughing all the way to the bank...
Just another reason for me not to pay attention to celebrities and how they dress! I could easily make that double waist shirt with a pair of jeans and dress pants from goodwill! Then I can charge $!,200 for them and make a $1,195 profit! Am I the only one that immediately thought that Kim Kardashians outfit is kind of a slap in the face for women in Afghanistan who soon will be looking very similar to that? This world is ridicuous!
@Jeanette ... You are a wise and industrious woman and I have no doubt that you could make that hybrid garment and it would look better than the one Balenciaga is selling! It's all a slap in the face. YES KK was making some kind of statement but in her deranged world, who even knows what it was? Word on the street is that she was outraged by the ridicule she earned by wearing that stupid soulless outfit. Honestly anyone who is NOT a celebrity, no matter what their lot in life, is most blessed. xoxo
Goodness Gracious Jenny, those clothes not only "feel stupid" THEY ARE STUPID!! haha LOL. People ARE SO DECEIVED. And the PRICES???---FOR JUNK?!! LOL When we were young.....we would never ever have even contemplated wearing all shredded up blue jeans to school (or SHOWING OUR UNDERWEAR STICKING OUT)------....and NOW IT'S THE "STYLE". LOL I can't see PAYING for jeans/clothes that are already half shredded up and with holes. Makes no sense to this old fashioned girl. ha ha LOL It's not even "fashion" to me.....it's pure rediculousness. (sorry, spelling!) Hope you've had a good week my friend!
@Debbi ... you are correct in every respect. The clothes look ridiculous and are priced ridiculous, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say that anyone who buys or wears them is ... ridiculous! And not all that bright. xoxo
Looks like we have several generations who have not read 'The Emperor's New Clothes!" The world's gone mad! Love your rant!
My dear friend, what about that lovely, Tax the Rich gown.
Thank YOU for saying what they are, STUPID!!! It is just so sad that many think these people are gods.
Your post reminds me of Hans Christian Anderson's The Emperor's New Clothes. The denial and ignorance and self deception of people who spend a fortune on rags is as deluded as the naked emperor and his subjects! People can't criticize, of course, because they don't want to seem ignorant of what is perceived by "important people" as "fashion". It took a child (and you, Jenny) to tell it like it is! Sibi could make a fortune as a creator in the fashion industry.
@Gayla ... it certainly SHOULD be required reading ... although with what passes for academic standards in the public schools of today, it's doubtful that its message would be received and understood. xoxo
@Carla ... the dress was grotesque, its wearer is an imbecile, and to call libs stupid is to insult stupid people. They have zero redeeming qualities and what's worse, they love being that way. xoxo
@Barb ... Isn't that the truth? To think that there are actually people so deluded that they would buy and wear this junk, is the real mind boggler. It's insane. xoxo
Gobsmacked; is that a word? Just reading this, do those people spend like that because they can, or do they pay like that for tax write-off. I'll never, EVER, though spend one more penny to Goodwill. All those years ago when G/W 'let' my developmentally challenged brother work in their warehouse. Little did I know until years later; it is not a charity program seeing as how the CEO makes millions of dollars every year. Nope.
I'm just trying to do a little catch-up Jenny. I'm glad that you, guys and gals, are happy and enjoying family time. I'm sorry hubby got roughed up, though. Yet, how great the reunion was! You guys have always made me smile. xoxo
@Sally ... hi my friend! So good to see you! I will have to stop by your blog as I though you had stopped blogging! And gobsmacked is a word -- a really really good one, haaaha -- and so appropriate to this situation! Love you! xoxo