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If memories had a mother
Tuesday, May 10, 2022 at 01:44PM 
Hot Lips Couch: It holds your book so you don't have to.
Don't you love it when the memory is joggled (in this the week containing the one hundred thirty-fifth anniversary of Emily Dickinson's death, that word reminds me of her; her father gave her books but begged her not to read them, as they joggled the mind) at the opportune moment?
It happened to me last week.
I've conveyed to you recently my love of the web site Shorpy.
A recent post on that site reminded me of something about which I blogged some thirteen years ago, but had not thought of in a long time.
Audrey and me captured after church by Dagny on Mother's Day morning.
And that thing is Spanish Bar Cake.
The Shorpy post was not about the cake; it was about the store where one bought it.
And that store was the A&P. Home of Eight O'Clock Coffee and other delicacies.
We lived in lots of places and I am sure there were not A&P stores in all of them, but the A&P imprinted itself on my child mind. Probably because of Spanish Bar Cake but also due to my love of groceries in general.
This was our sign of the times, on display in the kitchen all week.
Although my mother was known more for her salt tooth (she craved potato chips) than for her sweet tooth, her desire for treats of the dessert kind was as well developed as anyone's.
Since our family traveled a great deal, from city to city, criss-crossing the United States in nomadic style, many is the meal my sister and I consumed in the back seat of a car.
I don't remember much about breakfasts but lunch was often a flat palm-sized tin of sardines shared between us, the top peeled back with a handy provided key, with saltine crackers to put the oily little fish on.
Top that if you're able.
My late mother circa 1942, or about age five.
Or else it was a tiny can of Vienna sausages, plucked out one at a time -- it was a challenge to grab the first one, so tightly packed and slippery were they -- and eaten in a single bite (or two if we were being dainty).
As often as not (especially if Mama was at work in her waitress uniform and we were either alone or gone fishing with Jake, our not-really-stepfather), our noon meal consisted of a loaf of Wonder Bread, a block of Philadelphia Cream Cheese, and a quart of Borden's milk. Everything was quite all white.
Earlier in the week I worked on my Mother's Day mailing.
Baloney sandwiches were involved on a regular basis as well.
But when we traveled, and a stop at a supermarket was necessary to buy some of the above-mentioned items, if it happened to be an A&P store, funds depending, Mama and Jake occasionally came back to the car (where Kay and I always had to wait) and pulled a Jane Parker Spanish Bar Cake (loaf shape) out of the grocery sack.
It was one of the more memorable specialties of the Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company, baked for them along with a bevy of other sweets by bakeries bearing the name Jane Parker.
Cherica with Baby Rhett after his dedication on Sunday evening.
Now, sometimes the Spanish Bar Cake was an afternoon snack, not preceded by baloney; other times, it was proper dessert and we had to wait until we'd finished our sardines or sausages or whatever happened to be on our moveable feast menu du jour, before getting our grubby little hands on a slab of the cake.
Mama and Jake would have procured steaming cups of black coffee in cardboard cups, which they held in the same hands as they held their cigarettes, while with the other hand they fed themselves their servings of Spanish Bar Cake.
I hauled out my May decorations for the festive weekend.
Kay and I had no coffee and did not smoke, so we could devote our full attention to the dark moist cake with its coating of white icing applied in a corduroy design.
So it was that when Shorpy posted that picture of an A&P supermarket circa 1940, I commented that the A&P for me would always conjure one singular memory: the Spanish Bar Cake.
Another commenter kindly provided me with a link to an online recipe for the cake. I was already aware of it; in fact I have at least two recipes for "authentic genuine original" Spanish Bar Cake in my recipe file.
Mama and me with Stephanie and Audrey circa 1985, Chicago, Illinois.
I've never tested the recipes, but years ago a friend made the cake for me. It was so wide of the mark that I had to feign enthusiasm upon tasting it, although I was of course grateful to my friend for attempting to recreate my childhood memory.
Something of which I was not aware, however, is that certain investors have revived the Jane Parker bakery and claim to be producing and selling the Spanish Bar Cake exactly as it was when I was a child in the sixties.
One eighteen-ounce loaf cake will set you back thirty-six dollars. But that includes shipping.
I picked up this bookish angel bunny twenty years ago at the dollar store.
Should I or will I spring for that? What do you think? My initial thought was, ummm, NOPE. Like, who do they think they are?
But on further reflection I wonder if it would be worth that prodigious sum, to taste my childhood again.
If memories had a mother, she would be named Nostalgia. Her allure is strong and may yet prevail.
L to R Erica and Audrey: Two of my three beautiful daughters.
How was your Mother's Day? Ours was exceedingly pleasant and sweet, like a Spanish Bar Cake.
To rewind just a trifle, when my sister was visiting with me overnight the weekend before last, when our half-brother Mike and his daughter Shelby came to see us, Kay and I were reminiscing a good bit.
I mentioned that I'd read somewhere that childhood memories are less factual than they are emotional. That what we think we remember word for word, event for event, exactly as it happened, may not in fact have gone down in precisely that way.
I adorned my lighted trees with pink ribbon for the feminine holiday.
She agreed and asked if I'd read the memoir Educated by Tara Westover. I said I hadn't, and she said that the author mentions that exact phenomenon in her book.
Intrigued, I ordered Educated from Thriftbooks and am reading it now. It's fascinating and so far, I can recommend it as an ideal summer read.
Then last week, on Thursday, TG and I traveled to East Tennessee to attend the wedding of our nephew's son, or our great-nephew.
Four precious cards from four precious children.
After the wedding I was having a long-overdue conversation with our niece Angie, whom I'd not seen in a number of years.
She asked if I'd read The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith. No, I said. But I immediately ordered it and am one-third of the way through, and I can recommend it wholeheartedly for anyone with an interest in writing.
(Especially with an interest in writing your memories. Or a memoir, which is not the same as an autobiography, which would no doubt fascinate you but is not likely to be compelling to anyone else.)
Our great-nephew Brandon with his new bride Maryanna.
Angie also shared that she had read and been greatly moved by the book Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate. She wondered if I'd had a chance to read it. No, I said. But my copy will be arriving this week and soon the answer will be yes.
Speaking of books, Andrew and Brittany sent me, earlier this past week but I waited all the way until Saturday to open it, the Hot Lips Book Couch pictured at the top of this post.
It's for holding your tablet or book while you read. I do not own a tablet but as I am currently working my way through three separate books (the two just named, plus re-reading Steven Pressfield's The War of Art), and am about to start reading a fourth title when it lands on my doorstep, this will come in handy.
I think you can't go wrong with pink.
It holds your book in the embrace (well, mouth) of a cushy pillow that is just the right size for your lap. I love it! It's so me.
Stephanie sent a Mother's Day greeting containing a generous gift card to Home Goods. I know just what I might get.
On Sunday, we went to church. Erica left before she could be included in the shot, but Dagny took a picture of Audrey and me in the parking lot. We don't show it, but we were shivering. See below.
Audrey and Dagny and Cherica were with us for lunch at our house. They'd planned a cold cut buffet with meats and cheeses and croissants and other breads, plus chips and a beautiful fruit salad. I contributed homemade chicken salad.
A friend gave me the sugar skull shakers; I picked up the petit four shakers from Cracker Barrel.
The girls went in on a lovely tennis bracelet for me, to layer with my other arm candy. I love it! It's so me.
Can you believe, it was cold here on Sunday? The temperature struggled to get over sixty, and even though it was sunny, there was considerable breeziness and we were pulling out our sweaters by the evening.
Speaking of Sunday evening, at the end of our short service at church, we had a baby dedication.
Two infants were dedicated: Baby Rhett and a wee girl a few months younger than him.
Brittany gave me this sweet bottle a few years ago.
As Rhett's grandparents, we were asked to come up and stand beside Chad and Erica and the baby, and Audrey and Dagny came too, and the other baby's grandparents and family members stood beside her and her parents, and then other parents joined us in a show of support.
Together as a church we prayed for the children, that they would grow up to trust and love the Lord.
Then Chad, with Erica beside him, toted Rhett up onto the platform, where our grandson received a certificate marking the occasion, plus a tiny baby-blue New Testament and Psalms with his name on the front.
Yay! said Baby Rhett.
Then we took more pictures to memorialize it all, and went out into the cool evening, and home to take it easy.
I'd say we had a productive and memorable day. Did you? Please tell me how you celebrated.
And that is all for now.
=0=0=0=
Happy Tuesday
Reader Comments (25)
My grandma didn’t drive, but was within walking distance to an A&P, so I went with her a few times when spending the night. I’ve never heard of that cake, but it looks mighty tasty. Funny, but watching the KY Derby reminded me of the crème de menthe parfaits my mom made us in the summer.I hadn’t thought about those in years, but the mint julep thing joggled my memory!
My oldest daughter had us over for lunch the previous weekend. I’ve asked my kids to not visit me on Mother’s Day once they have children because mothers of youngsters deserve the day to themselves in my book. It was a holiday I dreaded every year, traveling to both my mother and my MIL’s house.
I love the 1985 photo because BIG hair rules! You and your mom resemble each other and both beauties, I’d say! XO
What a wonderful Mothers Day! I loved all the pictures of your good looking bunch. That photo of you and Audrey is especially nice and no one would no you were shivering..
Baby Rhett! So handsome he is... I was with my girls today at Hollands Tulip Time and over lunch we spoke of Rhett and his gorgeous blue eyes. :)
I've read Before We were Yours and wholeheartedly recommend it!
My Mothers Day shenanigans are chronicled on the blog. It was lovely!
Dagny is such a good photographer; she takes after you! I have never heard of these cakes, but it would be priceless to taste your childhood again, don't you think? We have our own version of your cake, a football shaped one from Dolly Madison. Yellow creme filled; coated with chocolate. Gone in the mists of time. I adore your decorations, and actually thought the petits fours were real!
P.S. I love it that you tell us where you got things, that way there is a chance that I can buy them as well. Now I am curious what it is you want at Home Goods. I love that place!!
Oh wow, Jenny. I loved this post. I'm thinking you had a different growing up time than I had imagined before. It certainly sounded interesting! I can honestly say I have never eaten sardines directly from the can in the backseat of a car but I have eaten sardines. Unique lunches you guys had in your youth!
I read "Before We Were Yours" a few years back. Hard story to read but good. I jotted down the other 2 books you mentioned. I know we also have a copy of "The Art of War" here some place in my hubby's office. He highly recommends it, I've yet to read it (maybe this summer).
What a cute thoughtful gift from Andrew and Brittany for reading! And I bet the tennis bracelet is gorgeous as well! Sounded like a wonderful Mother's Day you had with the added bonus of Rhett's baby dedication at church! Certainly one for the memory books I am sure!
I had a very quiet Mother's Day. I didn't hear from my kids. I didn't expect it from my daughter but it is always iffy if son is going to remember to text or not. I did get a text from my DIL wishing Happy Mother's Day so maybe he thought he could sneak in under her text, lol. Actually it did not bother me. This is the first Mother's Day in years that son didn't have to work it (restaurant business but his restaurant was closed this Mother's Day) so I'm glad he actually got to spend it with his family. Hubby and me went to church and then hung out at home for the rest of the day. I asked him not to get me a card, not that I was playing martyr but we get cards for each other and we save them for a little bit and then we toss them. I said let's scale back and just get them for birthdays and maybe Christmas. It was a nice relaxing day so that was okay :)
betty
LOL, I forgot to mention. Pictures were lovely!! Rhett is growing up way too quickly!!
betty
@Bijoux ... Amen to big hair! I loved my big hair and wore it for as long as it was even remotely appropriate. I do like to keep up with styles but I secretly pray that great big hair makes a comeback. I hear you about mothers spending Mother's Day exactly as they please. That's the whole point! Ours was pretty low key and that's just the way we like it too. I like your memory of walking with your grandmother to the A&P. I rode with my Mamaw -- the one who lived in Baton Rouge -- in her orange VW Beetle, to the TG&Y, which was a small department store of sorts. Good times! xoxo
@Mari ... I will be over to read of your shenanigans! And you talked about my Baby Rhett's blue eyes at lunch! That is so special! He is truly a sight to behold with those eyes which sparkle like jewels, and now a head of blond hair coming in! Takes our breath away. I think I may have heard of Before We Were Yours from you; it seems vaguely familiar. I'm excited about reading it. xoxo
@Ginny ... well I will tell you, I am in the market for a round tufted throw pillow. It's just that, TG bought me a new chair-and-a-half recliner for my birthday in March, and it needs a wee bit of lumbar support in order to be perfectly comfortable. The pillow I am using has sharp corners that jab into the backs of my upper arms and I have to fold them over or cover them with my blanket. Most annoying. I thought a round soft pillow with no edges might just do the trick. I will show you what I find at Home Goods though, no matter what it is! I wish you could find your Dolly Madison football cake! I am sorely tempted to buy one of those Spanish Bar Cakes just to see if it all comes back to me with the first bite! As you said: priceless. xoxo
@Betty ... I'm sorry you didn't hear from your children but I know from reading your blog that the circumstances are difficult. We've always made kind of a big deal out of Mother's Day because it just doesn't feel right to me, not to! And a big deal is made out of it at our church too, so it's just a special Sunday. I do love lining up those four cards, one for each child. I would not care if they never bought me another present for Mother's Day, but those cards mean the world. And of course I got phone calls from Stephanie and Andrew, because we could not be together on the day. I think what I have always tried to impress on my children is that these occasions are important because the people they honor are important, and we will not always have them. But then they are thoughtful all year round and I thank God for them! I'm glad you had a quiet day with your beloved. xoxo
My mother passed five weeks ago and my children live at a far distance so it was a quiet and sad day, although my children called and showered me with attention from a distance. Moving on to happier thoughts, when we traveled by car with our parents my mom would grind up baloney and pickle the night before - actually as the oldest daughter I did the grinding under her supervision. Mix it with mayo and mustard, spread it on white bread, and there were enough sandwiches for a family of six for a long distance. Pull over at a rest stop, add in a jug of Kool-Aid, sit in the open back of the car, and we felt we were royalty. PS - buy the cake.
The books you mentioned sound interesting. I will have to add to my list.
Amen to Big hair!! I have very thick hair and it would make my life easier if that style came back. lol
I say splurge on the cake!! You'll always wonder if it tastes the same as it did in childhood if you don't.
All of the photos are gorgeous as always. I'm glad you enjoyed a wonderful Mother's Day with most of your children. Rhett OH MY, just adorable.
Have a great week Jenny!!
Well, if you order that cake and it brings back sweet (or bittersweet) memories I say go for it! I read both real books and books on my tablet. The real books are for reading at night because it doesn't interrupt my sleep patterns! I love all of your photos as usual. I always cringe when I see pictures of myself with my big, 1980's hair! What was I thinking!! I don't think it ever was a good look on me! Although I haven't had one in decades, a bologna sandwich on white bread wrapped in wax paper will always bring me back to my elementary school days! Looks like you had a wonderful Mother's Day. Mine was unremarkable!
@Maryellen ... welcome and my sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I don't know your circumstances but having been through that recently I know some of what you are going through and I hope you give yourself all the time you need to grieve and remember and miss her. My sister and I are still grieving the loss of our mother in October of 2020 and although it has eased, it's still a daily ache. We just miss her even though she could be impossible, which we talk about (mostly with laughter) when we reminisce. We loved her so much. Your memory about the baloney is interesting. I once knew a fabulous cook (she has gone on to heaven) who made a ham salad so delicious, it would "make your tongue slap your brains out" as my own mother used to say. But Miss Naomi (said fabulous cook), when complimented on the ham salad, would point out that she only used real ham whereas others "just" used baloney, haahaha! She was rather haughty about it in her quiet way and to this day I make her ham salad with real ham. But I think your mother's method was both ingenious and practical, and I'm sure it was delicious too. We never did anything but slap the baloney onto the bread and add mustard (or that's what I added), and inhaled it because we were so hungry! I think you are right that at some point I should order the cake. It's only money and to taste it again would be so special. Or maybe it would be ordinary and I would say to myself, I only loved it because Mama did, and she gave me a slab of sugar, haaahaha! xoxo
@Lori ... haaahaha big hair suited you for many reasons, I'm sure. Now, I could get mine to go big again (especially in humid weather) but I have my strategies for keeping it under control (most of the time). OK I think you've talked me into trying the cake; I will now have to decide on the when. And yes I agree, Rhett is a SIGHT ... we just stare at him goo-goo eyed constantly. His mother nearly bursts with pride and so does his dad, while we make over their little son. What a total joy he is. You have a great week too! xoxo
@Jeanette ... I'm sure your big hair was cute! How could it not have been? What we were thinking is that we wanted to be up-to-the-minute! And there's nothing wrong with that. I love to read on my computer but I don't usually read whole books that way. My problem with reading books at night is that I don't see well enough (even with my cheaters) unless there is a strong light trained right on the page. I do have a reading light so unless I'm reading in broad daylight out in the sun room or sitting in a window, I have to use that. Even if your Mother's Day was unremarkable, I hope it was relaxing and enjoyable! xoxo
I enjoyed your memories.
Thank you for the book recommendations. I do like memoirs.
We enjoyed our Grilled Turkey, salads, and peanut butter brownies for dessert. My parents and sons came for a visit. We played UNO, and had many belly laughs.
Our weather is finally warming up here in Wisconsin.
Happy Mother's Day!!
@Carla ... belly laughs and warmer weather is more than one step in the right direction! I'm glad it was a pleasant day for you. xoxo
Please, who are the little girls, in the old picture, of you and your Mother???? Did you say and I missed it???????
Love the lips book holder pillow!
Love the long, tiny flowered, cotton dresses on 2 of your lovely daughters.
Gentle hugs....
@Mari-Nanci ... it is written underneath the picture (fine print, haahaa) -- my Stephanie and my Audrey, ages about 5 and 3 ... although that picture could have been taken a few years later, making Stephanie 7 and Audrey 5 ... I'm just not sure! I am sure that Erica was born in late May of 1986 though, and this picture was taken in the summer, so I'm sure it was not that summer. Even I am confused! Anyway weren't they cute? Yes the girls looked so sweet on Mother's Day in their pretty dresses. I love their feminine sensibilities. I hope you had a peaceful and enjoyable Mother's Day doing exactly what you pleased! xoxo
I remember that Spanish bar cake! I would love to try it again also…the danger being it would not taste the same as in your memory! One of my older sisters was the one who would buy it and we would devour together. I hope for sweet Spanish bar cake success-I will stay tuned!
@Donna G ... Right? It would not taste the same, or I'd take a big bite and say (or be embarrassed to say), I don't remember anything about this except the way it looked! Your memories are sweet, of sharing the cake with your sister. I think you have given me an idea: Buy the cake, share the cake with a few choice and very fortunate people, and do a review on the blog! I could call it, this cake is good but is it thirty-six dollars good? And deliver my verdict! Hahahaaa thanks and you are welcome here any time! xoxo
Truly precious family photos. Baby Rhett is adorable. I hope you order the cake and will let us know if the taste matches your memories.
Oh Jenny, loved seeing everyone decked out in their Mothers Day finery!!---such PRETTY DRESSES, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF Y'ALL. Everyone looks so pretty and YOU MY FRIEND---always look so glamourous, yes indeed. Loved seeing your all's celebration. And I also enjoyed hearing all about you and your sister sharing SARDINES!! LOL, so cute. Now I dont' think I've had SARDINES....BUT I DO LOVE ANCHOVIES!!! and grew up eating what we called the "vi-EENIES" sausages,with crisp Saltines crackers. Oh what a good meal that was on a hot summer day with an ice cold co-cola IN A GOOD GLASS BOTTLE. No plastic or cans back then, no siree, haha LOL. So glad baby Rhett got dedicated, look at his little SHOES!!!---AND HIS SUSPENDERS. So so cute, thanks for sharing the pictures. Baby dedications are so special.Hugs my friend, have a great week coming up!!
@LB ... thank you and I do believe I will not be able to escape ordering the cake! It just looks too good to be true ... but we'll put it to a taste test. Have a good week! xoxo
@Debbi ... thank you for the compliments and yes that little guy in those shoes and suspenders was quite something! He's just TOO cute. YES to an ice cold Coke-cola in a little glass bottle! That wonderful shade of green! Now I have never tasted an anchovy (and probably never will) but we inhaled those sardines, something which just makes me say OH GROSS now!!! I've enjoyed your recent posts as well. Have a great week my friend! xoxo
Do you like pizza?-- anchovies are amazing on pizza--- but they are VERY SALTY!-- Not many people like them
Celebrated here at home...Crystal came up from Magnolia and we spent the day together...fun!
Son called from Oklahoma
I made a cake
It was sweet and peaceful...
So glad you enjoyed your family...Your mother was Gorgeous!
Just like you...
hughugs
Donna
@Debbi ... I love pizza but hard pass on anchovies, haaaha xoxo
@Donna ... My mother would say I looked like HER, not the other way around ... she was big on being the origin of all beauty in the family, haaahahaha! She was something else. Your Mother's Day weekend sounds pretty great. Please give my love to Crystal! xoxo
Ahhhh - Memory Lane. I remember baloney sandwiches on white bread spread liberally with butter. I also remember the A&P but no delicious Spanish Bar Cake. You ladies looked beautiful on Mother's Day. I received written tributes, flowers, and gifts that I could tell someone put some thought into. My 78th birthday was the day after Mother's Day, so I had a double celebration. I always think of the strong women who raised me and the women who mentored me (much like a mother would) as I was entering adulthood. I'm thankful for all of them and especially miss those who are departed on Mother's Day. I read Educated about a year ago. Reading has always been solace as well as entertainment for me. I read on a Kindle now because of my formaldehyde allergy, but I do love those hot lips which make me smile. Do you realize how much Dagny looks like your mother? "Baby" Rhett is growing up fast!
@Barb ... odd you should say that about Dagny's resemblance to my mother and I assume you said it because of the childhood photo I posted of Mom. In the days between Mom's death and her burial, we dragged out lots of stuff and went through it, reminiscing. When I saw (again; I've seen it many times) that picture of Mom at about age five, it was like WOW I see Dagny in that face! It's amazing. But then, Audrey strongly resembles my mother. Yes Mother's Day is a truly special day and I too remember so many women on that day. I sent SO many cards this year! I'm sorry I forgot about your birthday being in that same time. I'm glad it was happy! You deserve every happiness. Love to your Bob. xoxo