Circling back

We climbed out onto a heretofore largely unexplored branch of our family tree

Here we are at last to reveal what our big fancy to-do was all about last Saturday.

I hope you have not died on the vine while waiting for the arrival of this news.

Apologies ahead of time for the necessity of covering a bit of ground that is familiar to some of my readers, in order to explain the significance of the occasion.

My sister brought these lovely flowers from her garden

So let's get started.

My parents divorced when I was about two years old. My big sister Kay was three.

My sister and I never saw our dad again after early 1959, when our parents went their separate ways.

Mike and our big sister Kay, meeting for the first time

Each of our parents went on to marry again. In fact, they each married two more times.

Our mother remarried in April of 1962. She and her second husband had two children together: my half-sister Deann, born in 1967, and my half-brother Shawn, born in 1969. They later divorced. Twice.

It's complicated.

I was pretty proud of those tree trunk place card holders

Our father, after a brief second marriage, married for the third and final time in March of 1963. He and his wife had two children together: my half-brother Michael, born in 1965, and my half-sister Lisa, born in 1967.

Kay and I, growing up as we did in the custody of our mother, knew the two half-siblings with whom we share the maternal parent.

Mike and me ... first ever picture together

Meanwhile, our other half-siblings, Mike and Lisa, were born and have always lived in California. We had no knowledge of them when they were born, or for several years afterwards.

Then, in a tragic turn of events, our father's life ended as the result of a plane crash on September 13, 1968.

He was one month shy of his thirty-eighth birthday.

You know there always has to be a sign of the times

Mike was not quite three years old, and Lisa only fifteen months, when their dad was suddenly gone.

Kay and I were aged twelve and eleven respectively when our dad died, but because of circumstances, we did not learn of his death until two years later, in September of 1970.

Me and my big sis hanging out by the pool

Neither I nor Kay nor Mike nor Lisa have any real memory of our dad. We have pictures and a few mementoes; nothing more. Just scraps.

Of course Mike and Lisa have their mom and Kay and I had ours, and both of them certainly knew our dad well enough to tell us about him.

To write my brother's name on a place card at my own table was a big deal to me

But as for Kay and me, we did not learn much about our father from our mother. I have a sense that Mike and Lisa have been given only the broad strokes as well.

I think our dad was the kind of person who liked to shoot from the hip and keep moving. Not someone overly concerned with leaving a meaningful legacy for his children. After all, according to my mom, his mantra was live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.

Philippe, Kay, me, and TG with Mike and Shelby

I will leave it up to you to decide how successful he was, and whether he'd change anything if he had a do-over.

But we can probably agree that he was certainly not someone who really, truly expected to make his final exit at age thirty-seven.

Perhaps if he'd lived longer, he would have given more thought and energy to a lot of things.

Seven-layer salad with lots of bacon from a bag

But alas, he lived what amounts to half a life, by the measurement of what we consider a normal lifespan.

Over thirty years ago I had a brief contact with my father's third wife, whose name is Inge, as well as with my half-sister Lisa. We exchanged a few letters and talked on the phone once.

The interaction between us was genuine and heartfelt, as far as it went. Inge sent me a number of letters and photos -- bits of ephemera that had belonged to my dad. But we did not stay in touch.

Newfound uncles and nieces and nephews and great-nephews and cousins going on

(My father was an only child, and I also have a few things of his -- pictures and whatnot; nothing of value -- through his mother, my grandmother who died in 1983.)

As they tend to do, the years rolled on. TG and I were busy rearing our children. Everyday life crowded the consciousness and pushed non-essential things back into the shadows.

Then, about nine years ago, my half-brother Mike contacted me through this blog.

My sister loaded her ice cream dessert with homemade butter brickle and salted caramel from a jar

He had been searching online for anything he could find about our father, and stumbled on either my blog or our dad's Find a Grave page (which I created and maintain), and one led to the other, and then to me.

We have talked on the phone many times since then, and have made it a point to be thoughtful of one another and of each other's families.

Mike was loving, kind, and generous when Dagny came along, sending her a beautiful play yard, wanting to be a help to Audrey.

What's happening here is that Dagny is performing to make Baby Rhett look at the camera. It isn't working.

I have sent Mike's three children gifts and have spoken with them, and with his wife Jennifer, by phone several times.

But it -- and they -- all seemed so far away. I'm not about to get on a plane and fly to California, and Mike and Jennifer were busy with work and family life, and through the years we did the best we could.

There were times when a year or more would go by without a real conversation between us.

The devil is in the details

Then one day at the end of March, I was taking a walk when my phone rang. I looked and saw that it was Mike.

We talked for several minutes and then he revealed the real purpose for his call: He was coming to see me.

Mike and Jennifer's middle child is a daughter. Her name is Shelby Anne and she is eighteen.

Kay had brought Mike a picture album of her children and grandchildren

As such, Shelby is graduating from high school and about to go away to college. She is not only a Christian but a staunch conservative -- seriously, you would have loved hearing her talk.

She's got it going on. In spades. Brains and beauty.

it was comfortable poolside for relaxation and conversation

Shelby has made up her mind to become a constitutional lawyer. She wants to spend her life defending our beloved country and the documents that made -- and keep -- America exceptional.

She has tentatively chosen Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, as her school. Mike had committed to flying east with Shelby so that they could both tour the campus. The tickets were bought.

I found plates and napkins with a wood (tree) theme. I already had the wrought leaf bowl.

And Mike had decided that when they were finished with that, they were going to drive the four hours south to Columbia, to see me. Have I told you that he is a treasure? Well, he is. A total treasure, and a gentleman.

Of course I was overjoyed -- both that they were coming, and that I had a whole month to prepare for their visit.

Shelby with Uncle Philippe and Aunt Kay

The first thing I did was call my sister, Kay, in Greenville. She confirmed that she and her husband would come to meet Mike and Shelby, and celebrate with all of us here.

So it was that last Saturday, at about eleven o'clock in the morning, I stood in my driveway as my brother from another mother got out of his rented car and wrapped me in a bear hug.

Mike and Shelby with Kay and Philippe

I am sixty-five years old; Mike is fifty-six. We'd never laid eyes on one another in person, until that moment. He strongly resembles our dad -- even more so in person than in pictures.

Shelby was soon hugging me too, and we all started chatting and talking as though we had known one another forever and had just been apart for a while.

I decorated with lighted trees and pictures of my dad

(Of course you know that the pirate has no trouble keeping up her end of the conversation.)

It wasn't long before Erica and Chad arrived, then Kay and her husband Pierre-Philippe, and then TG was home with two big bags of ice for the drinks bucket, and then Audrey and Dagny were there and everyone was embracing and getting acquainted.

Stephanie had planned to come from North Carolina with at least one of her children, but was brokenhearted when a member of their church passed away earlier in the week.

Mike and Shelby with me and TG

The funeral was set for Saturday, and as the Pastor's wife she was both obligated to be there, and wanted to be there.

I bet you have figured out, as I have, that you cannot be in two places at the same time.

More's the pity.

Kay made pulled pork and brought the BBQ sauce to go on it

And of course Andrew and Brittany could not come, as they're in Oklahoma.

But Mike told me that although this was his first visit to South Carolina, it would most certainly not be his last. And I made him promise that when he comes back, he will bring his wife Jennifer and their youngest, my niece Savannah Marie.

Mike and Jennifer adopted Savannah from China when she was nine months old. She is now fourteen.

Kay and me with our not-so-little brother from another mother

Their oldest, a son named Aiden Guy, was just married the week before Easter. I hope that he and his new bride, Luna, will come out and spend time with us too. They are all always welcome.

So what did we do on Saturday, after everyone had been introduced?

We had a party. Something which I am pretty sure does not come as a shock to you.

You want color? We had color.

For the entirety of last week, I laid my final plans and accomplished all of my shopping.

I spent Friday cooking, and decorating the table.

Our theme was The Family Tree. 

Speaking of color ... look at Baby Rhett's eyes

I bought some lighted tree decorations from Amazon, as well as place card holders that look like little hunks of tree trunk.

I worked for many hours on producing a McManus Family Tree using Ancestry dot com and other sources, and printed it out for my brother Mike and my sister Kay.

Our niece Shelby is as sweet and feisty as she is beautiful

Because of our father's brief existence on this earth, there are four children, sixteen grandchildren, and twenty-eight (so far) great grandchildren.

That's forty-eight souls. And counting. Like the old song says, nature can be fascinating!

Mike and Shelby loved getting to know Audrey and Dagny

My sister and I had planned a buffet consisting of my spicy cranberry meatballs, her pulled pork, my seven-layer salad and deviled eggs, her carrot salad and beet salad, and my party potatoes and Crock Pot cream corn.

Erica had brought some luscious Hawaiian dinner rolls.

For dessert we had my strawberry pretzel salad and my sister's butter brickle ice cream dessert, which involves salted caramel. She had also brought homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Some words were said and tears were shed around the table before we sang, prayed, and ate

Of course there were all kinds of soft drink and sparkling water choices, plus coffee -- both regular and decaf.

Before the meal, everyone sat outside by the pool for a couple of hours. The weather was perfect-to-hot-and-sticky. I lasted for a while but then had to go back inside where it was cool.

Our desserts were pretty much off the chain

We ate at about three thirty, but before we sat down, we stood around the table. I had prepared some remarks about the reason we were all there together. Tears were shed but they were the good kind.

Mike had a few words to say, and then my sister affirmed how grateful she was to God for His mercy in preserving us and blessing our families and bringing us all to that day.

Three sweet, pretty, delightful girl cousins

Then we sang the first verse of Amazing Grace, and TG prayed for the meal, and we ate.

It was delicious. I wish you could have had some.

After everyone was full, several of the party piled into an SUV and took Mike and Shelby for a drive-by tour of Lake Murray and points beyond the Dreher Shoals Dam, which sits about two miles from our house.

Shelby fell instantly in love with her first cousins once removed

The rest of us hung out and loaded the dishwasher and made a pot of coffee and relaxed.

Later, as the light was becoming perfect outside for such things, we took pictures for nearly an hour. I had written down various groups for poses, and we had fun with all of that.

Then it was time to go back inside and dish up dessert, which we ate out by the pool in the gloaming, with the solar lights and my fairy lights winking on.

Dagny immediately glommed onto Shelby and rarely left her side

Shelby and Dagny dangled their bare feet in the pool.

Everybody talked and talked and talked until nearly ten o'clock and we knew it was time to wrap it up.

With reluctance -- even though we were all bone tired -- we took nearly another hour to say our goodbyes.

We have the same mother and same father. It's a phenomenon in our family.

Mike and Shelby were staying nearby but had to catch a plane out of Charleston before noon the next day. We wouldn't see them again this trip.

Kay and Philippe stayed with us overnight. The next morning we enjoyed coffee and more reminiscing until they too left for home and I was back to a quiet house.

I don't know what to say except that it was a wonderful day, a once-in-a-lifetime occasion which has now become a most cherished precious memory.

Our enlarged family circle. Click to embiggen.

Also I like to think that had he lived, our dad would have loved each of us, and would have been happy that we were together even for one day, active moving parts of a loving family that stubbornly survives, still vibrant, across miles and years, despite circumstances and setbacks, tragedy and heartache, human frailty and failure, misgivings and mistakes, the vagaries of time, and all other enemies both natural and supernatural.

To God be the glory for the things He has done, and for His mercy, grace, and faithfulness to us, His servants.

And that is all for now.

=0=0=0=

Happy Tuesday

Comments

[Mari]

I want you to know this post has literally moved me to tears. The thought of all of you standing around that table, singing, praying and sharing your thoughts is just so touching,
I love the way God works, bringing you to Him and to each other in His own time. What a blessing!
I'm thrilled to hear of Shelby! It's rare to her about a young person with those kinds of goals and it gives hope for the future generation.
I'm so happy you were all able to have this time together. I'm sure your Dad would have been thrilled.
PS - Rhett's eyes are still gorgeous!
PPS - You have us drinking over here. :) All your talk of Ice sparkling water led me to pick some up. We love it - thanks!

[betty]

Oh Jenny, such a special time! I never would have guessed this when you were saying it was going to be a special event! I love how Mike found you through your blog, made contact with you, kept in contact, albeit sporadically at times, and then you got to meet! Shelby is so beautiful and I'm betting inside and out! What a great career she has ahead of her if she goes down the path she wants to pursue! I wouldn't have been able to make it through much of the day without a lot of tears so I think you held it together great and look, as usual, stunning in your pictures! What is so cool is despite all the heartbreak over the years there is beauty from ashes, just like God always seems to do whether it is this side or that side of eternity. I'm glad it was this side for you guys all to have gotten together with more events planned down the road! And as always, the food looks great! I think somewhere in the family tree of yours I'm going to graft myself :)

Thank you for sharing your special family time with us! Truly a blessing it was for you all!

betty

[Jennifer]

@Mari ... well I appreciate that response from you, my friend, because I know it is motivated by love. It was an amazing day, kind of exhausting because of the emotional freight, but in such a good way. I am still recovering, to be honest. I had prepared a few remarks and I thought, I won't cry! But of course I could hardly get a word out and sounded like a ninny, but then just about everyone else was crying too so it was okay. It was good. Really really good, to see my brother. You would love him -- and Shelby too. She is something else. ICE drinks ... YES! My faves are grapefruit and cherry limeade, and I do love the lemonade! Aren't they wonderful? Really nice if you can get them for under a dollar apiece. This time we had assorted sodas and lemonades, and Perrier water with lime! The Perrier was a real hit! xoxo

@betty ... yes indeed it was a special time and you are right: beauty from ashes! My mother used to have a cross-stitched sentiment framed and on her wall. It said: "Out of a fall / Love makes a stepping stone / And quite reverses / All the foe has done." And yes I cried but only when I was trying to talk in front of everyone, haaahaa! It was not to be avoided. But after that, I was fine! It was such a happy day and yes, that Shelby is a jewel! I pray she accomplishes every goal, to the glory of God. xoxo

[Ginny Hartzler]

Wonderful, wonderful photos. What a momentous event they show! A family together again. And what a beautiful family you all are. Isn't God wonderful in the ways He works...

[Jennifer]

@Ginny ... Amen to that! He certainly is. xoxo

[Bijoux]

Amazing! Along with Amazing Grace that brought you all together in one place! What a joy. I was touched by your entire story. I’m certain your dad would have been pleased and proud of this gathering. I love all your decor and the labeled food. I love to do that, too. We have one of those lighted trees and it brings me happiness every evening.

What fabulous photos to cherish and such a fine looking group. I can tell that Shelby is beautiful inside and out. How sweet that Dagny took a special liking to her. Best wishes to her in law school. As a side note, my husband received the highest grade in Constitutional Law his first year and received a small scholarship for it many moons ago. He was quite proud of that.

Thanks for sharing this amazing celebration of long lost family! XO

[Jennifer]

@Bijoux ... Well your man should be very proud of that! I didn't know he was a lawyer! Fantastic. I hope Shelby goes all the way with that because she is a savvy young lady and I can only imagine will become more so as the years go by. What a blessing she was to us. As soon as I met Shelby, I knew Dagny would attach herself to her like a barnacle. Dagny seems to be drawn to girls who exemplify certain qualities -- ladylike and well spoken, kind and patient. So they were instant friends. Aren't those light-up trees the happiest things? I'm so thrilled with them and now I have pink bows on the branches for Mother's Day! Haaahaha always changing things up. xoxo

[Jeanette]

Oh wow Jenny! How wonderful that you finally got to meet your brother and niece! And how sweet that Dagney attached herself to Shelby like that! She sounds like a remarkable young woman! You can literally see the love you put into this reunion! The family tree theme was perfect! Love all the pictures!

[Lori]

Well I never could have imagined this was your surprise. How wonderful!! Your beautiful family continues to grow. I'm so happy you all have finally gotten to meet in person and have such a wonderful day together. I'm sure you all will continue to grow closer now that you've met.
The photos, decorations and food are beautiful as always.
We have a student residency program for physicians with Liberty University at our hospital. Every student I have met is top notch. The doctors that I work with have commented that they have never seen students that are as remarkable as these. From everything I've seen Liberty is a top notch school that chooses very bright students.
Rest up my friend. I'm sure you are physically and emotionally tired. But it was all so worth it.

[Jennifer]

@Jeanette ... I know that you know and feel the importance of family ties, given all you've done in your family to keep memories alive! It was a great day and one I'll never forget. xoxo

@Lori ... Well that's good to hear, about LU students having a good reputation. I know that if Shelby goes there, she will certainly be a credit to them. Wasn't this just a wonderful occasion? We had such a good time. Yes it was very emotionally draining but I'm beginning to feel human again after a few good nights of rest! Haaahaha I'm not as young as I once was. xoxo

[Bijoux]

Yes, I never talk about my husband’s job on my blog because his work is so confidential. Plus, so much lawyer hate out there. His favorite joke is this: Everyone hates an attorney . . . Until they need one!

[Jennifer]

@Bijoux ... I worked for lawyers for many years. My favorite such quote is "Let's kill all the lawyers" from Henry VI, Shakespeare, haaahhaa just funnin' xoxo

[Paula Alexandra Santos]

Hi, Jennifer!
This is my first time commenting in your blog. You have a beautiful family and an amazing family history.
My husband's side of the family is very small and although I have uncles and aunts and hundreds of cousins (literally), unfortunatelly we haven't a very tight family and that makes me sad.
I'm glad you could all be together and share your story and I hope that there will be more gatherings in the future!
Oh and baby Rhett's eyes are beautiful!
Have a blessed week!
:)

[Carla TePaske]

Hi Jenny,
This is a beautiful story. You once again did a fabulous job sharing the events with us. I smiled and cried all at the same time reading your story.

I will be praying for Shelby. We have a friend named Samuel Hoff who is attending Liberty University. He has been pleased.

Love and Prayers, Carla

[Jennifer]

@Paula ... welcome and thank you for your kind words! xoxo

@Carla ... Thanks friend, and thank you for praying for Shelby! She is quite something. We loved her instantly. I hope she has a happy and fruitful college experience. xoxo

[Debbi]

Hi there Jenny, LOVED MEETING MIKE AND SHELBY!! What a fun fun amazing time, such a special time for your family! Felt like I was right there along with y'all, loved all the fun pictures! Shelby is a BEAUTY and Dagny seemed to really take to her didn't she? And your brother is handsome and I am just so thrilled for y'all that you finally got to meet!! All these fun family pictures will surely turn out to be treasures for the generations to come. And all THAT FOOD....girlfriend.....it all looks so delicous. Can I have SECONDS, PLEASE!? LOL Those deviled eggs, well, I could just make a MEAL OUT OF THOSE. I love deviled eggs. I have been so extremely BUSY packing up and getting ready for our long awaited vacation......that I haven't had much time to comment or post......BUT!!------ I have been reading. And I loved seeing the pictures and seeing your son get his well deserved and long awaited WINGS.......what a special time, so glad y'all got to go and be a part of it. And that gorgeous hotel suite y'all stayed in on the way home I think it was?---wow, what a treat that was. I loved seeing it, so big and so elegant, what a beautiful place to stay. Anyway, congrats to your son, I know he worked hard for this. I know you are so PROUD of him. I loved your Easter pictures too and oh my goodness, look how QUICK BABY RHETT IS GROWING!!

[Donna]

Awww!!! This was the surprise?!! How wonderful that you all have found each other!!
I know you're so happy! Good for you!
And he's so handsome, just like all of you...beauties, one and all!!
hughugs
Donna

[Barb]

A special reunion and another memorable celebration of Family. It's amazing how these links from the past are now joined. I adore the word "gloaming" and must make sure I use it sometime soon...

[Jennifer]

@Barb ... "in the gloaming" is one of my favorite expressions! I think it's the Irish in me, haahaa xoxo