Tales from the sieve redux

But the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach

We're enjoying a balmy November here in South Carolina. At least we are as I type this, which is on Saturday for publishing on Monday.

So, this re-post was not inspired by the pirate sloshing over to the window to look outside and, seeing a monsoon, intoning: That's a lot o' waw-uh.

It's just that, reflections on my recent experience at the Hilton Greenville on the day of my mother's funeral happened to dovetail with my scanning today through some old posts on I'm Having A Thought Here, and finding this one.

It seems that an inconveniently waterlogged visit to a three-star hotel is not without precedent for the pirate.

(Although, on account of this happened a decade ago, I remember it only vaguely.)

And you thought I documented all of my ramblings and wanderings and adventures only for you!

No; I blog as a hedge against dementia, if nothing else. Come to think of it, probably for very little else.

I'll thank you not to snicker.

Anyway, here you go: a short read about tropical storms and soggy hotel stays and the sketchy skill sets of certain innkeepers.

The post is from September 30, 2010, when the pirate found herself in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, for an educational convention, during Tropical Storm Nicole.

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OK so the rain has stopped here in Myrtle Beach but the skies are still gray and I haven't left the hotel since yesterday afternoon.

There was storming here last night of draconian proportions. If there was an actual tsunami, however, I slept through it. Or maybe it just didn't reach the ninth floor.

But I did not sleep until I had the following exchange with a man at the front desk, via telephonic device. I'll relay our brief conversation ver-kinda-batim to the best of my memory but your imagination will have to supply my level of animation, and his.*

That should be fun for you.

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ME: Hi. I know it's raining outside but I'm trying to watch CSI New York and every couple of minutes it's nothing but tiling and a message on the bottom of the screen that says the satellite can't be located.

HIM: You're the first one who's said anything.

ME: What do you mean? I'm the first one who's said anything about this? Or I'm the first person who's said anything to you today? Or are you under the mistaken impression that I'm the first person who's ever said anything, ever, at any time and in any place?

(Because, I was thinking, if that is the case I have a lot of catching up to do.)

HIM: I just came on as night manager and my engineers are gone.

ME: I understand that, but this is unacceptable. Gary Sinise and the Greek girl whose name I cannot pronounce, the one with the super curly hair, were just about to get an inkling of who their first suspect might be. Then the tiling started again and their jaws separated from the tops of their heads and I missed the most important dialog of the whole show.

HIM: Ma'am, like I said, you're the first person who's said anything.

ME: OK ... I get that but do you hear me? I am here in this semi-luxury hotel room and the 36-inch LG plasma TV is all but worthless unless I want to watch football, baseball, golf, classic basketball, or hamster drag racing. Also I do believe the inspiration channel is clear as crystal but I've had all the inspiration I can handle for one day. Also, I didn't say anything a while ago when it was literally raining on my arm as I blogged in the business center. Does that mean it didn't happen? Does it, sir?

HIM: We are having a tropical storm.

ME: I know but if that's the reason I can't watch CSI New York, why is it that the sports channels are working? Can you just tell me that? I mean, if the satellite can't get the signal, it can't get the signal. Can the satellite think through which shows people aren't allowed to finish watching?

HIM: You're the first one who's said anything.

ME: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF I'M THE FIRST OR LAST OR ONLY PERSON TO EVER SAY ANYTHING? DOES THAT MAKE IT OKAY THAT I CANNOT FINISH WATCHING THE SHOW I STARTED WATCHING? DOES IT? DOES IT?

HIM: [unintelligible]

ME: Because if I'm the only one who's said anything, obviously there is something wrong with the TV set in this room. Please fix it.

HIM: My engineers are gone for the night. We are having a tropical storm.

ME: snick. 

TG: Come to bed, sweetie.

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And that was the best offer I got all day but I still don't know how Gary Sinise and the Greek girl whose name I cannot pronounce, the one with the super curly hair, solved the crime.

I do know that trained monkeys could do a better job of running the night desk at the Sheraton Convention Center in Myrtle Beach, than the folks who actually run it.

You may quote me. Then make sure the monkeys come equipped with mops.

And that is all for now.

*A decade ago, people seemed to understand (at least, more than they seem to today) when something was supposed to be humorous -- having been told in a hyperbolic manner so as to make it ... well, funnier.

Not so much these days, when everyone seems to be sitting on go, waiting to be offended by something. Ergo if you read this and feel moved to upbraid me for verbally abusing the night clerk, please do spare me because I did not do that. Some details have been exaggerated for effect. I'll trust you to figure out which ones.

Having to explain all of the above takes some of the fun out of it, but in 2020, what else is new?

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Happy Monday

Comments

[Ginny Hartzler]

This was HILARIOUS!!! You have made my day! Also, your beach photos are beautiful.

[Mari]

Yes - I thought you did this for me... I'll try to get past it!
I enjoyed your memories. That hotel clerk probably still remembers you!

[Jennifer]

@Ginny ... hahahahaha the pirate aims to please. And thank you. xoxo

@Mari ... ten years ago your comment was the funniest one of all .... you said, I hadn't heard about this. You're the first one who's said anything. Haaaahahaha! xoxo

[Jeanette]

That's pretty funny! I'm thinking that if it was an actual sports channel messing up and a man called and complained it may have been taken care of pretty quickly!

[Barb]

You cannot say ANYTHING today without having it offend someone. A sense of humor is replaced by political correctness. There are so many acronyms, I'm afraid I'll get something wrong. Our son says he generally just keeps his mouth shut because he doesn't know what is offensive or not anymore. All I know is, I don't want to do anything to interrupt your favorite programming, Jenny! Hugs, Barb

[sally]

Well, I get it! And, doggone, it had to happen when you were watching one of my favorite shows. Bummer! I'd watch Gary 24/7. Not only is he a great actor, but he has such a wonderful humane spirit. (Unlike a lot of those actors who think the sun and stars shine just for them) Ok that was catty. :)

xoxo

[Mari-Nanci]

Gorgeous photos! I would like a wall size copy of each, please. >,-)

"When everyone is waiting to be offended." -sigh- This fits perfectly, for our present situation. -sigh-

And now, they will all be the above, on steroids.

Because, their actions have been vindicated.

-shakes head back and forth, back and forth...-

Courage!

[Jennifer]

@Jeanette ... I know, right? Let the football game be on the fritz and they'd be lining up to complain! Haaahaaha xoxo

@Barb ... Your son has the right idea for sure. It's unfortunate that keeping my mouth shut is not my strong suit. I actually only watch streaming services now! No muss no fuss, no commercials! But then there's that rare time when the internet goes down. At such times I have to read a book. Haaaahahahaha xoxo

@Sally ... Yay for Gary Sinise! What a great American. xoxo

@Mari-Nancy ... Yes they have been vindicated (they think) and emboldened ... but as Winston Churchill said: "The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it and ignorance may deride it but in the end, there it is." Thank you for liking my pictures! xoxo

[Cheri]

This post made me laugh:) But it also made me cringe with rememberance of various customer service I've dealt with over time. Some are so very helpful...others have made me feel like strangulation! And those on the phone(like I dealt with last week) that give you a lengthy list of "if this, press 1; if that press 2; etc. etc. This was a scenario from last week with a representative trying to get me to the right person. "Call this number; then press 1; then press 1 again; then press 3; then press 3 again; then press 1 again!" WHAT??????????? When I got through with the whole ordeal I was in bad need of a margarita...on the rocks...with salt!!!!!

[Jennifer]

@Cheri ... I so hear you about "customer service" representatives ... oh dear. The recorded voices with all of their instructions ... I'm not sure which is worse -- the "human" voices or the recorded ones. It's all creepy and I avoid it when possible. xoxo